hi ho hi ho its off to the ER we go

Eric took me in to E/R weds night. Been her every since. well not exactly IN the ER but in the same building. Eric brought my laptop to me today. that helps. otherwise its very dull! I slept most of yesterday! and most of last night. Pancreatitis it seems. so I have been nothing by mouth. not even water. nothing. I am starting water now. nervous! a little bit of pain is coming back. not over the top pain but pain is pain. and its snowing like mad. Eric is at work. if I am to go home he would have to come get me at noon over his lunch. but thats an hour away and I havent even eaten yet. wait and see I guess. while it would be good to be home with the kids and dogs and surrounded by my own stuff I am a little nervous about getting there and also about not eating the things that will send me back here. and about getting pain and ending up back here anwyays.

watch this space!

watch this space for an upcoming exciting project!

after crying all night long sophie continues to whine and cry. generally she isnt getting her way and is using her feet as a tool to get what she wants. when she gets what she wants she does fine for a little while but then says she wants to take off straps/boots and when I say no she goes back to wailing. starts with a whimper. ends with ooowwweeeeee. ooooowwwwwweeeee.

she is weak and doesnt want to do any work either. work like sitting up. she only wants to lie down. life is not fun with her right now. how is she going to sit in her chair all day at school? I dont know.....

Help Alicia find a family! can you donate to her fund to help?

http://reecesrainbow.org/1743/alicia1102
When you wake on Christmas day you will go into your warm family area and see what presents you got this year. Alicia will wake in a cold impersonal place where she will dress in many layers because the heat is not reliable and will be lucky if she gets a present at all. the only gift Alicia needs this year is a mama and papa. Can you help her? can you donate 1 dollar? 3 dollars? 5 or 10 dollars? every penny we can get in her fund will help her find a home. SO many people would adopt if they could afford the cost of an adoption. Cant we all work together and give Alicia the gift of a family?

guess who just ATE her first tooth?

Sophie just lost her first tooth. in a banana. which she ATE! she has a very cute gap in her smile now. she also has some pink eye. fun fun. her cast BROKE the other day. she thought her leg would fall off I think because if we even looked at her leg she cried. So we wrapped it in fiberglass to reinforce it.

We finally got the letter from andre's evaluation. we also got referral to FAS clinic. Andre is functioning at 2-3 year old level in many things. as high as 4 almost 5 year old level in others. seriously delayed overall. If the school continues to fight me on this I am about ready to pull him out altogether. they send home his work already for ME to teach him since they dont have time. There is an alternative school our friends child attends in Cloquet. Her experience has been that its a very small classroom setting with a lot of one on one. exactly what Andre needs but isnt getting in his current placemnt.

Chrysta Natasha and Ethan started music lessons monday and Ethan's teacher didnt show. didnt know I guess. Have yet to hear from her.this does not speak well of the organisational skills of the lady who runs the music school.

Andre and Diana are going to go to Pediatric endochrinologist because of their size.

Jaeger is mostly a loving funny joyful boy.

Chrysta turns 15 today. I have been teasing her that its her 12th birthday or that she is turning 13 now! she is less than excited about my attempts to make her younger lol.

Cody is Cody. wants to get a job. but of course cant get out of bed in the morning and nearly misses the bus every day. it is not a short walk to school like it was in Isle. its several miles. so if he misses the bus its gonna be a long walk. I cant drive him with sophie at home. too difficult to travel with her.

Maia is her father's daughter through and through. she is a joy to raise. the love of our life. well one of them anyways. but always happy go lucky and LOOOOOVES when her Daddy reads to her about greek mythology. Last night she learned that Maia was a character in greek mythology and was very excited! I could eat that girl up she is so adorable and sweet. all the girls are but Maia is something special in her own way.

just another manic monday

most of them out the door. last two waiting for bus. then sophie's teacher comes. eric didnt get a deer this weekend. but Allan did. When they got back Allan stayed to dinner and I sent the leftovers home with him. we dont get enough chance to eat leftovers. Eric used to eat them for lunch but now he doesnt come home for lunch. I cant eat it fast enough and there is never enough for a full meal of various leftovers for all. At least I know it will get eaten. It was a long weekend without Eric here. and the boys decided it was the weekend to skip sleep. I wish I had the magic pill to make them SLEEP!

So today is monday and its back to fighting for Andre to get school services. I am really not sure why I send him at this point. HE gets social time but he sure isnt learning to read. he still doesnt know all the letters. in fact MOST of them he doesnt know. its hard to read or spell without letters. math he is a bit better at but needs a lot of attention and guidance to do it. we often end up doing it at home. I wonder if I could just get the curriculum and do it myself with him at home. I dont really WANT to go that route but I keep running up against brick walls. waiting for the official diagnosis paper from Psych. they may or may not help. see doctor tomorrow and will get referral for FAS clinic. and will contact school social worker about alternative school in Cloquet where Kirsten goes. how many years does he have to go to school and NOT LEARN before they will HELP???

Dec 5 is sophie's appt for casts off. ben also appt to get new boots. short ones taht stay in shoe. better call about flights for that. need to call clinic about diana's labs also today and find out about pedi endocrine. life is sure never dull.

ever think about photography?

wish you had a REALLY nice camera? wish you could take better pictures of your kids and grandkids and dogs and cats? wish you didnt have to spend so much to have such a nice camera? well guess what! YOU have a chance to donate just 20 dollars to help bring a little boy home from Serbia. and in doing so YOU GET A CHANCE TO WIN AN AWESOME CAMERA KIT!!! camera, lens, bag, and more! go to
http://myianna.blogspot.com/2011/11/nikon-d3100-camera-giveaway.html
and donate so YOU can have a chance to win a Nikon D3100! kids sell wrapping paper for schools, and you could spend 20 bucks easily on school and sports fundraisers. you could spend 20 bucks easily buying a fancy coffee every day. but you really have a special opportunity here to spend $20 to give a boy a LIFE! and you could win an awesome camera for doing so! well? what are you waiting for? get on over and donate! lets get this little boy a chance at a real future in a family filled with love, instead of a cold sterile insititution where no one will love him as their own. 20 dollars people. thats all it takes. donate and you could win a camera! but if you dont you still win because you helped give a child the gift of a family! THAT is priceless.

i have come to the conclusion that the reason I usually dont watch tv is because the kids are always watching and watching tv with the kids is really not fun. I cant hear half of it because someone is always commenting. If a man or woman kiss they start oohing and ahhhing at the moment they think things might happen whcih means we miss all the dialogue leading up to it. they all randomly toss out comments or repeat sentences after the characters. then we miss what came after the character said that. I wonder what part of development includes talking to the tv as if it could hear you and acting like you are the one in the movie while the movie is still going on. or someone is fighting about where they will sit or what is on next. really I am having a disenchanted day. sometimes they just dont listen and I get mad and hold a grudge. I ask myself why I give everything and get little monsters in return. its the job I guess. and tey do know how to behave when it counts. when we go out we hear oh how well behaved they are! what nice kids you have! etc. but at home they let it all hang out.

home again

we are home again. sophie is doing well. getting better all the time. I however am sick sick sick. miserable sick. eric is on call this weekend. the kids are mostly keeping entertained. although they gave me a hard time about helping out this morning. I really need to grocery shop but it isnt gonna happen today. dont know what we will eat for dinner. soup and sandwich maybe. need to get sophie set up for homebound so she can get back to working on school stuff. she is alert enough to do that. Wish I could get her back to school but I dont see it. its too hard for her to sit in her chair. and she is having to wear diapers and that would be embarrassing for her and humiliating. so I guess she stays home the whole six weeks. dont have a date to go back yet. need to contact the clinic and make a date for return appointment. I thought they would have given us that upon discharge but they didnt. didnt give me a script for 3 week xray either. so I have to chase taht down.

why

i ask myself WHY my kid cant be like other kids. why does she have to have contractures? why does she have arthrogryposis? why does she have to have surgeries and hurt? why cant she just run and play and not have to deal with all of this? and then I wouldnt have to deal with it either. but then I remember that if she was a perfect normal child she wouldnt be MY child. she would still be in Ukraine with her birth parents. but still its hard to be thankful that I have to put her through all of this. that I have to put all of us through all of this. it just stinks all around! I am tired of being away. tired of being nurse as well as mom. and its only just begun! I miss my family. I miss my animals. Miss my house and woods. my TREES! and I dont have any idea how I am going to get home. I mean I know HOW but the logistics of it baffle me, as I know how helpful airline attendants are(at least in my experience) I have a letter from hospital to hopefully get some help but I am NOT holding my breath. I just want to be at home, enjoying fall in my new house. and instead I am in Philly running back and forth from hospital to ronald mcdonald house and feeling guilty because I have to do some laundry and will be late to the hospital.

gettin ornery and bossy

and thats just me. sophie has a wee bit of bleeding in her old incision. but she is happy enough cooperative in general. I think we ought to be getting out of here soon. My guess is tomorrow but sunday is fine too. monday we fly home. Our roommate was in the PICU for a long time and just came back to us today. but we have visited with her family over and over and they ask about sophie and visit her. they have turned out to be very nice people. I was rather annoyed having a roommate at first but since they were gone most the time it wasnt so bad lol.

I am so ready to go home. i was ready a week ago! we have to put her in a fancy spica carseat on the plane. by we I mean ME and I am not sure at all about how its all going to go! I have only so many hands and I am supposed to bring carseat straps my bags pillow blanket roll stroller AND SOPHIE all by myself. NOOOOOO Idea how thats gonna happen. My friend Becky is supposed to loan me a rolling duffel to check as much as possible. but I still have this giant car seat that is called a HIPPO for a good reason! and since her legs have to be up in the stroller I cant put it in there. I just KNOW I am going to be pissed off when I get home. Im pissed off just thinking about it. airlines are NOT helpful. usually strangers are more helpful than airlines. I will have to carry her on to the plane since she cant go past 90 degrees. she cant use the aisle chair. but first I have to haul on and install the carseat.

we just got another roommate. her name is Bo and she is so cute, she even LOOKS like Sophie! blonde and cute! so its a party in here. they are from netherlands. its a multicultural room here for sure! I guess I dont have much else to report.

the ongoing saga of the osteotomy.

tomorrow is Sophie's other osteotomy. meanwhile somewhere last night they took out her iv. it backed up maybe or something. no one really knows why it was removed. so today they came in to try and put a new one in. I said really, you didnt put an iv in her when she was outpatient coming in. you waited till she was asleep. well they wanted blood for a type/cross. shoudlnt they already HAVE that since they ALREADY gave her blood products last WEEK? so they poked, and she screamed. and they moved the needle around, and she screamed. and they wiggled and moved and she screamed and screamed. and then they gave up and pulled needle out. she didnt even BLEED where he took the needle out. so I thought they gave up. turns out they only went to get bigger guns. This time I said lets step outside. I discussed my concern at poking her again and again knowing they would get nothing. and again stated I just cant understand why she MUST HAVE IV RIGHT NOW. I told them they could look but this guy looked at her arms while I cried in another room. I wasnt going to be the one to hold her down as they use her for pincushion. she screamed. she hollered. in the end he didnt even poke her. there was no point. there was nothing he could see that would he would be able to start an iv from. so I am to sit here all night pumping her full of fluids so tomorrow in the OR they will be able to find a good vein.

after all that she fell asleep. sweaty sweaty sweaty! from screaming and from sleeping under too many blankets. so her bed was all wet. I changed the bed for her and she is happily watching tv now. We also have a roommate now. a 14 year old girl named Fanny. Fanny is Amish. Her parents are here with her, along with her grandparents. and they all sit here. all day. they have been nice enough and chat a bit with sophie and me. they came from Michigan. but so much for shunning the modern conveniences. The grandparents and the father left and the mother spent TWO HOURS on the phone. they dont watch tv. they read only their bible as far as I can tell. Fanny is very quiet.

update for those who dont know whats goin on

sophie had surgery last week on weds. it didnt go so well. there were complications. I knew when Dr VB called a conference in the middle of it that something was wrong. due to the complications, she lost a lot of blood, got a unit of blood and then they were unable to continue the scheduled surgery. They did get ONE leg done. the other remains the same as it was when she went in. its casted just to keep the other leg stable but they didnt do anything to it. so we are still here in PA. She had a bit of a hard time recovering and we just came to the floor today. She has been in ICU until now. meanwhile she has turned into a bit of a brat. so today was time for tough love and lemme tell you it didnt take long before she was back to being a sweet love of a child. the other leg is scheduled for tuesday. but it may have to wait until thursday. meanwhile we are camped out here at shriners. I go back and forth to ronald mcdonald house. they got her up in a chair today and she was none too happy about it. she is currently resting quietly beside me after I pulled rank and turned off the tv because she doesnt want to sleep at night, just watch tv. THAT isnt gonna fly when we go home so no reason it needs to go on now.

She has been a bit manipulative but thankfully we have GOOD and understanding nurses. Ally has been the best. It is very convenient for sophie that her pain comes at the very moment she doesnt like something. oh you are leaving to go to the bathroom? OW OW OW!! I cant watch tv? IM GONNA BARF! you want me to sit in this wheelchair because there arent any sheets on the bed yet? WA WA WA MY HIP HURTS!! you are making me sit in the sunshine for five minutes? MY KNEE HURTS!!

she calls anyone who comes in the room "doctor" and if she wants something she bypasses me altogether and yells DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I ask myself why I am still sitting here if she only wants them? its hard to be a kind and loving supportive parent when she is being a poop. she is not in as much pain as she was in the beginning and she shows it by moving around and talking and as long as she is getting what she wants she is fine with the world no pain. so today she was just ornery. a good nights sleep ought to help with that. so now you know about as much as I do.

I sure miss home and my husband and my kids and my dogs and my fireplace and my house and my chair. its very warm here. a light sweater is plenty. and I am missing my mornings by the fire. missing evenings by the fire with Eric, my dogs at my feet. missing sleeping in my own bed. even my kitchen! at least I know at home when its meal time its something I like, I dont generally cook stuff I dont want to eat, but here its a crapshoot. I might get to cafeteria before they close, or i might not. I might like what they are serving or maybe not. thankfully I have some fruit in my purse from RMH.

well since miss thing has not been sleeping through the night I ought to go to bed here since she is going to wake me again and again. her good nurse Ally wont be back till monday. we will miss her!

stella was a no show.

we were very disappointed. but some chocolate cake helped. Today we leave at 1045. supposed to arrive at 11 and surgery isnt until 2. Sophie cant eat, which means I cant eat! and man I am hungry! I might have to hide in the kitchen and get a bite of something while she is distracted playing. She is scooting all over, and there are so many things that will change with this surgery. She probably wont be able to scoot. at least not the way she does now. her legs will be better aligned so getting dressed will be easier, thats a good thing. getting her into and out of carts and car seats will be different, I dont know if it will be easier or harder yet, I just know it will be different. I dont know whether to bring the stroller today or carry her? my back is killin me. its raining out and I dont know if Beckys car can hold te monster stroller. and it would just be one more thing to move around and keep track of. so maybe leave it here for the time being. Since surgery isnt till 2 she probably wont be back until 5 or 6 and she will probably be sleepy off and on through the night and I can always come back for it tomorrow. so I guess I will carry her. Better take some ibuprofen though. She can go barefoot I told her because she wont need her boots and I dont wanna carry them around while she is in surgery.I think I can probably throw her straps in the trash. she will need new ones when she gets new boots. and tat wont be for 6 weeks. I have been very nervous about this whole ordeal. the surgery, how will it go? will there be complications? will it be successful? the recovery, how will it go? will she be pissed off? will she be calm? will she be snarly? I just dont know the answers to any of this. but I am ready. she is ready. She is happily playing with her princess doll. I suppose I better start looking at getting my stuff together for the day. thinking to change bags for today. so need to put my purse stuff in backpck. wish us luck! think of our dear sophie! I feel calm, Im sure it will be ok. I know this is all rambling but I dont have anyone to ramble on to right now....I miss you Eric!

sophie's big day

Tomorrow is Sophie;s big surgery. well the first of many I suppose. She is not at all concerned. She only wants to be sure that she will NOT be awake when they put those pesky casts on! I assured her she wont be. We are excited for the outcome. Putting her own pants on and underpants on will be a possibility. she can never get them over her flopping outward legs. Surgery is scheduled for 2. We need to be there at 11. unfortunately she has to be npo after 1030am, and only clear liquids after midnight tonight. I told her we would stay up late and have a snack. Surgery is scheduled for 3 hours. may be more may be less. hoping for no complications and NO spica.

Today Sophie and I walked for HOURS, or rather I walked and pushed her in stroller for hours. We went to see the liberty bell. we saw lots of history and historical sites. lots of stuff about Ben Franklin. Just wasnt as much fun without Eric. I kept thinking how he would love it there. maybe someday he and I can come back.

Tonight is therapy dog night here at Ronald McDonald house Philadelphia. Sophie is beside herself waiting to see STella. She is a mastiff, and we met her several times before. We are both excited. I love that dog. and hopefully she will relieve some of my worry and stress over doing this whole thing alone. a little doggie snuggle time, a long hot bath and I should be good to go. Sophie is such a good little traveler. she is pretty easy going about anything and everything. She has been happily entertaining herself with a little notebook and pen for almost an hour. but now its almost time for dinner and we are parched from walking all day. Time to go get a drink and some dinner. and then STELLA TME!

back in da hood

back in Philly. arrived at Ronald McDOnalds house around 330 this afternoon. after a crazy hair raising car ride where a guy yelled at us(well not US but the driver) we finally got to see Tara and RMH. What a trip it was.

We got up at 330am to get a shower and get to airport for our 630 flight. My brother said hour and half before the flight so we got there around 5. and sat. and sat. and sat. and waited. and waited. and waited. Finally around 6ish they opened the security screening. I was worried about having to train in a whole new airport crew about sophie and ben but man that was so not necessary. so after we went through security, which goes directly to the gate(our smalltown airport has a whole 4 gates)I was given a stroller tag and ushered into preboard. where I had all of 3.2 seconds to board get the kids in and collapse the stroller before everyone else was boarding behind me. While in line for security I noticed a young mom clearly pregnant with two little girls in tow. The girls were waiting until mom was at the front of security to say goodbye to her. so off we went to Chicago. It was still dark out and I wanted them to sleep but they didnt. which means I didnt. oh look! landing already!

announcement: thanks for flying with us and be careful departing the plane as we do not have a walkway but stairs. My ears perked. STAIRS? sigh. ok. I will somehow get two bags and a boy who doesnt do stairs well and a girl who doesnt walk at all down the steps. So I took Ben leaving Sophie on the plane. put my bags and Ben next to the mom, whose name turned out to be Terri. I asked if he could stand next to her and I could leave my bags there while I ran back in to get sophie. oh look they just unloaded my stroller. I opened it up and was told you need to carry that. there is no elevator here. you have to go up the stairs to get into the airport. PARDON? wth am I gonna do now? well you guessed it. I did what I always do. I cried. seriously what else could I do? I went back to get Sophie who was charming the socks of the stewardess. She could see my tears and said she would help me. Terri also said she would help me. Being pregnant I didnt want her to have to carry my stuff and employees cant carry kids so I had no choice. I carried sophie and one bag. one employee carried my backpack. one employee walked ben up the stairs and Terri carried the stroller. WTH? NO ELEVATOR? what is with this country? Another time I encountered a similar situation and the PILOT helped me and they found a service elevator for us.

The kindness of strangers is often the only way I would get through these trips. thank god for their kindess because clearly the stupid airlines dont have a fecking clue about accessibility. So Terri and I and the kids went and found some breakfast. then we parted ways and we went on to our gate.

When I asked about changing seats to closer to the front I was told no. not possible. but they could order an aisle chair for her. so I went to my gate and she not only ordered an aisle chair but changed our seats as well and let us on well before anyone else to get settled. she told me to call and request it in advance and it would save time. It was funny when we got to PA the guys who came to put her in the chair lifted her as a team lift. huh. 31 pounds and I toss her over my arm to pull her pants off no problem and it took two of them to lift her. lol. Ben said to the one guy that he sounds like raymone from Princess and the frog. he thought ben was saying he sounded like a frog. I explained to him and he said now it all makes sense because another kid a couple weeks ago said the same thing. lol. sophie kept telling everyone to SMILE! SMILE! dont forget your SMILE FACE! as she yells across the airport.

on the ride between chicago and philly a man who said his name was Ollie sat between Ben and Sophie. He was very kind and friendly. My kids really like Harry Potter and she started talking about magic and there really is no magic but it would be nice if there was magic. Ollie didnt understand. He said yeah its magic, the plane goes along them goes up and goes down again to the ground(all the while moving his hand to show up and down and moving along.) Sophie snorted and said THATS NOT MAGIC! THATS JUST YOUR HAND! we both cracked up and Ollie said wow! cant fool you! kids today are too smart! it was very much needed comic relief. Somewhere over Ohio Sophie was saying BEN! BEN! and he wasnt responding. remember he is several seats away. I said he cant hear you. She asked why but my response tht he was too far away wasnt good enough. She formulated her own hypothesis. Oh! I know why he cant hear me! she said. Its because my ears are plugged!

well its time to go to dinner and let teh kids play awhile. they were so good on the planes. they need to scoot around and play awhile. Tomorrow off to see Dr VanBosse!

so begins a new year of fighting for services for Andre

he cant keep himself safe. he doesnt learn from consequences. he has short term memory loss. after a full year of Kindergarten he still doesnt recognise MOST of the letters. not just mixing up b and d and things like that. he truly doesnt know MOST of the letters. he has the IQ of a four year old, and is expected to do first grade 8 year old things. he just plain cant. not without extra support. he is now getting title one, except that means he misses more classroom lessons that are then sent home for me to do with him. he. needs. help. damn the government guidelines that keep him from it. four year olds are not sent to first grade for a reason. they arent where they should be to do first grade work without constant guidance. and yet if you are are physically 8 and function at 4 you are expected to do it all. that isnt right. it isnt fair! and they say why do you want to evaluate him again if they just did this last year? WEREN"T YOU LISTENING? HE NEEDS HELP! and I will keep hounding and fighting until he gets it! he WANTS to learn. he is MOTIVATED to learn. he just isnt ABLE to learn the way other kids do. sadly without SOME diagnosis I dont think we are going to get anything for him there. and the proposed law that nonfluent readers after 3rd grade are not promoted? (did that pass? I dont know) thats insanity! you wont help him and yet if he is UNABLE do it himself he will be punished? thats not fair!

another day another....appointment

seems all I do is run to appointments. fly to philly for appointments. run to dentist appointments. run to doctor appointments. run to AFO appointments. run to grocery store. run run run. I am so tired from all the running and the lack of sleep at night.

We leave Thursday for Philly again. Ben Sophie and myself. At least we dont have to drive two hours to the airport now. but we also wont have nonstop flight. I look forward to Philly trips. its rather relaxing taking care of only two kids. Of course it means I am the only one to take sophie potty but it also means I dont have to chase anyone down or listen to anyone's sass. Sophie occasionally gets sassy but generally not and Ben NEVER is sassy. Ben is a sweet little boy. innocent and a but tooo intent on being helpless but very sweet and knows right from wrong. AND! I usually get to read a book on the plane. nice huh?

Sophie and I will go back to Philly again on Oct 10. Her surgery is Oct 12 but was previously scheduled Oct 11. so we end up with a day to mess around. I think we will go see something. must be something to do in Philly. Now if I could just find a stroller. I thought I had one all worked out but it turned out to have inflatable tires and that at the plane the tires would have to deflate. bleh. I am running out of time on this! I cant believe there isnt a single stroller anywhere in the area that would work for me. I put an ad on craigslist, and also on freecycle, and a moms group. I have been to goodwill salvation army. There is a second hand kids shop but she mostly sells clothes. not equipment. Wondering if we can rent wheelchair of some sort that wouldnt be as difficult as the one Alexis was given for Laelia. well time to go make some calls and make some more appointments and get sophie dressed and ready to go for todays appointments since she doesnt have school today she has to come with.

well another birthday down!

I cant believe my little Andre is 8! I remember going to get Ben in Ukraine and this toothless droooling little boy tugged on my shirt and grinned up at me. he is still awful darn cute! The kids get to choose where they would like Mama and Papa to take them to dinner on their birthday. Andre, a boy after my own heart, wanted to go to McDs and have a happy meal. He enjoyed his meal very much. It was rather strange for Eric and I to be able to sit across from each other and actually speak to each other and attending to one kid. Andre must have also been missing the presence of his brothers and sisters because he didnt play very long in the play area. there were some kids there but they were loud obnoxious and inappropriate. He just wasnt all that interested in playing. I kept calling him Lil Bub. My husbands family calls him Bub, thus Andre is Lil Bub. Not really a stretch cus I call him Lil Bit already. He was very cute and animated with his new happy meal toy. but he was very nervous going out in the dark. and VERY nervous walking from the garage to the house when we got home.

We took some pictures and sang happy birthday and gave him his gift. I dont know what he was expecting but I was right on when I said no matter what I get he will be disappointed. I have learned this lesson well with AJ. but I am proud of the tact he showed when his face said it all. He could have melted down and/or complained.cried/carried on. He did none of those things He thanked me and came to me afterwards to hug me and tell me thanks. No one told him to. he just did it. I am very proud of him. So now my little tiny Andre is no longer 7. no longer one of the triplets. now he is 8 with Diana. but no worries, Next month Ben will be 8 and then we will have three 8 year olds instead of 3 seven year olds. = )

Fas Fun

well andre was up bright and early this morning. at 430. after he peed his bed he got hungry. so he snuck in the kitchen and ate half the cheese. but then he couldnt see so he lit a candle. with a romantic glow he ate half of a large loaf of banana bread. at some point he must have been cold because he tossed some paper(I hope it was useless paper and not important paper) into the fireplace. skittered back to his bead with crumbs on his lips when he heard me on the stairs. so I am up. for the day I guess. I really HATE starting my day at 430. its bad enough having to get up at 530. I have sophie home today and she nags me every 5 minutes is I try to sleep. besides her AFO is busted and I have to go downtown to get that fixed as well as the pharmacy to get meds. good thing anyways since the house smells like smoke now.

I guess I will have to take the matches to bed with me now. that doesnt keep him from tossing things into the fire. time to buy a new alarm for his door. I need a threshhold alarm. so if he crosses the sensor it lets me know. so far we have only tried wake the entire house alarms. Ethan slept all night but not Andre. if Andre sleeps all night, not Ethan. he is a famous midnight snacker and gets into things too. FAS anyone? so much fun! NOT! and why when I take them to the doctor and say they dont sleep, they just nod and smile and refuse to prescribe anything? I need sleep to function!!! so last night since we went out, I got a whole four hours sleep before Andre started his crap. only 4 more hours till he goes to school. where he doesnt know 17 our of 24 letters and smiles sweetly at his teacher and she is sure he will do just fine.

life is crazy here

we had a scary evening last night. We had a busy day and busy afternoon and time got away from us. Dinner was very late. We cooked some polish sausage on the grill. Maia choked on hers! but after Daddy yanked her from her seat(no easy feat as she is getting so big!) and did the heimlich she was able to breathe again. so scary! She has always been the one to make us shake our heads in wonder how she makes it through the day. She dances she twirls she climbs she falls. she just dances along and never has the foresight to see the dangers and falls into them every time. and somehow she escapes major damage and continues dancing. But last night evern Maia was upset. she sat with her big sister for a long time afterwards before going back to her food. I made her cut it up before eating and she was fine with that. She started the day yesterday by falling down the stairs. her socks slipped while she danced down and down she went. so poor Maia had a heckuva day yesterday. Today she seems unphased. thank goodness for that.

In other news life here remains busy! even with kids in school! it seems there are doctor or dentist appointments or other errands that must be done and I never get a day off! I was supposed to get a break when they went to school! Where's my break? I WANT MY BREAK! I guess I will get my break when we go to Philly at the end of the month. Should be a pretty painless visit. thank goodness for that, since the next one in October is a biggie!

It is fall big time around here. leaves are turning. leaves are falling(even before they turn!) and there is a serious chill! Going to have to start up the fire place pretty soon. or turn on some heat! We usually try to wait until october or even november to turn on the heat but I dont know if we will make it this year!

Well it is time to get Sophie dressed and go run our errands for the day. change of address on license, buy dog food, maybe hit goodwill for a table for my laundry room(not to mention I have boxes of stuff to drop off there!)

school starts tomorrow!!!

school starts tomorrow! YAY all around! all the kids are excited. I will have NO KIDS at home for the first time in 17 years. wow. quiet. peace. do whatever I want! no car seats or wheelchairs to think about! I can just GO somewhere if I want to. Sophie will only go tues/thurs and every other fri. but the others go full time. still thats two days a week I can do whatever I like. and what will I do? probably nothing. sit here and pine for them. Read, take a long hot bath, bake, sew, stamp. maybe. At least until Sophie gets her surgery and cant go to school.

Everything is going well at the new house. it is so nice to have enough space. Sophie likes that she can wheel her chair all over the house. she still scoots sometimes though.

so Maia and Diana will be in the same class together in first grade. Ben and Andre are in same first grade class together. Jaeger Natasha and Ethan in same second grade class. Sophie will be in K all by herself.

open house for high school last night!
for elementary school tonight!
school starts tuesday!

we have limited internet at our new house. we are camping and have internet here. so here is an update. kids are all set to go to school in a weeks time. 3 2nd graders will be in same class. maia and diana in same first grade class. andre and ben are in same first grade class. Sophie will start kindergarten and go tues/thurs and every other friday. She is very much looking forward to it. I am very much looking forward to having a few hours to myself! Cody and Chrysta registered for their classes last week. some of the ones they wanted they couldnt get as seniors have priority. Cody is a junior this year and not at all happy about the change in schools. his anxiety is pretty high over this.

The new house is so much bigger. it is so nice. we had some friends stay over from out of town and had a fire in the fireplace. I cant wait to have a warm fire in winter! ok I can wait! I am not ready for winter! not ready for summer to be over. ready for kids to go back to school but not ready to be done swimming and playing and enjoying the sun.

the new chickens are growing like crazy. cant wait to eat them this winter. unfortunately we didnt have a chance to garden this summer so not much squash souffle will be had. next year!

well it sounds like things have settled down a bit and I can make breakfast. so thats all the news for now!

my how they have changed over a year

its been a year since we came home with the kids. they are all 4 good kids. smart, cute, loving and lovable, fun and helpful.

life at the new house

We have internet albeit crappy internet. 3g/4g might be great for phones but not so hot for laptops. but its all we can get. and its limited. we cant just hang out for hours online. we have a limit. it sucks but it is what it is and I figure we will learn to do other things with our time. sew, stamp, read, clean, cook, walk in the woods, garden, tend chickens. etc.

Today is my big 4-0. I got up to a mess. the dog got in te trash and it was all over the floor and no one bothered to clean it up. I was not happy. TOnight is a big parade in WD but I wanted to go out to dinner. Not sure when we will be able to go out if we dont go tonight. Jaeger is being very sweet saying no mom we will stay home and watch tv so you can go to dinner for your birthday. although I suspect its just his way of sneaking in some tv time. that boy LOOOOVES tv. he lives for it. obsesses over it. holds the remote to it. but I think the other kids would be disappointed to miss the parade. Andre wants me to buy a race car for him for my birthday. typical Andre, all about the motors and all about him. but still it was him who remembered it was my birthday this morning and was all hugs and cuddles. he is a hanger and I am having to learn to love it. but its coming. I am learning. Everyone else is mostly concerned with where will THEY go to dinner when they have a birthday. typical kids.

Diana went to dentist yest. she lost a crown. she was so worried. but it turned out alright. they didnt replace it as its a baby tooth. they did something else instead to just bide our time until it falls out. cheaper easier and kinder to diana. Im all for it. and she now REALLY REALLY likes that dentist. That in itself is worth the price of gold. DIana generally HATES the dentist. she did not have good times there like our bio kids with goood teeth. she had a lot of painful work done and extractions too. many a tear. so now she likes the dentist. this one at least. so thats worth the price of a lost crown.

The new house is very spacious. We love looking out our bedroom window from the bed at the stars and or moon at night and the trees in the morning. Chickens arrive soon and then we will have a winter full of of chicken dinners. yummo.

not much else to report I guess. second verse same as the first. life here is much like life at the old house only with a little more sleep having split up those partying boys!

still no internet at our new house

apparently no one serves that area. its the no mans land or soemthing. but the house is good and getting well organised and plenty of cooking going on with no internet! will take photos soon. all of us are fine but really miss our internet friends! The kids miss their language lesson too! I cant believe we lived in a town of 700 and dsl and we now live in a town of 90,000 and cant get anything but dial up! but what can ya do? cody and chrysta and ethan come home from summer camp today. looking forward to seeing them. missed them this week. hope to have some sort of internet but who knows when or what! kids are doing pretty well but Andre has already wandered off! that was my mother of the year moment. two cars and a ups truck pulled in our driveway and I was thinking what the heck?? and then andre ran in and locked the door and burst into tears. When I said whats wrong?? he said they're gonna tell you! they're gonna tell you! well tell me they did. he walked all the way down the looooooooooooooooooong and twisty driveway to the main road and was IN THE ROAD and then when they said they would come tell his mom he ran ahead of them throwing rocks at their cars saying you cant come down here! he cried and cried and I made him apologise and told them that yes he had boundries but clearly he didnt adhere to them. they kept saying he's too little to be out there. I was like he is almost 8 for heavens sake! no he shouldnt be in the road but dont tell me how to take care of my kids. he has stayed close to home since then. I cant just never let him outside! he has paired up with ben this week and ben cant walk far so they stay close to the house. well not much else is new and I have to go since I am at my mom's on her internet.

we are in! almost unpacked!

I so love our big new house! the doggie door is great except only one of three dogs will use it. mocha goes in and out at will. fabio and tera not so much. tera will go if you hold the flap for them but whats the point then? Sophie is loving rollin all over in her chair. Boys are out chopping wood with eric. Natasha says we need a fire in the fireplace its so chilly. cody ethan and chrysta go to summer camp tomorrow. oh dang I guess I better go pack for EThan! he will pack like a pair of shorts and nothin else. hope I can find everything I need. mostly we are unpacked. a few boxes left upstairs but the main living area is pretty done except the empties and the wrapping papers all over. living room is all set up. washer guy hooked the washer up and it is leakin all over. tv guy is coming monday. I am finding strange things in the basement. Strange like boxes marked master bath. or toiletries. I think they just got lazy at the end. oh well we are happy to be out there. mike and jen came by one night. that was fun. no internet though. I am at my moms house. heading home again shortly.

update on moving!

ALOTTA stuff is gone. ALOTTA stuff to go but mostly furniture. and a few more boxes. Basement is pretty well cleared out except beds. sheds pretty well cleared out. Living room that was filled with boxes is again empty except furniture and dogs(and kids) boys room down to beds and I think their dresser. Deep freezer gone. garage mostly cleared out. kitchen is not fully packed yet. have to do dishes before we go to bed tonight. sandwiches and cookies for dinner, doughnuts for breakfast tomorrow and THEN...THEN! We should be able to head up and close tomorrow after all!!
and all our stuff should arrive Weds! The dogs are so hot, so are we. Ethan is being a brat. Ben is being a whiner. Andre is at Alonzo's house. Sophie is being bossy and demanding. Jaeger is happily watching looney toons. status quo. I do love looney toons! I am have been going and going since 7am and I am ready for a break!

ok

so its hotter than Haides here right now. we dont know how long until we can close. we dont know how long we have to stay here among boxes living like vagrants. We dont know what will happen tomorrow with packers/movers. will they move it all anyways? to where? will they show up before they get the voicemail? because we didnt find out until close of business friday that it wasnt gonna happen. but then our friend stopped by the house and said it looked like it was done so did they work the weekend? We dont know. I have sent 3 girls and one dog to my moms. Thanks mom and dad for taking some of the pressure off. I miss my girls and my little puppy boy who keeps me company every night but I have too much to do and he doesnt like strangers and wants to always be afoot if no one is here or has to be in his crate if they are here. I am supposed to take dog to vet at 930 but I dont think that can happen. If I can get them there I will try and take them to boarding. its hard enough here in the heat without having to worry about them coming in and going out and barking every time the door opens.

I do NOT LIKE TO FLY BY THE SEAT OF MY PANTS! how many times have I said this? and yet, once again I am forced to do just that. I DO NOT LIKE IT! I like a well thought out plan and things go according to it. I do not like unknowns. and yet this week is fraught with them. Andre is clingy as ever. its too dang hot to snuggle! but I know he needs reassurance. Ethan and Ben are up at night screwing around. Im exhausted. My husband is living at my brothers instead of with me. and have I mentioned I DONT LIKE THIS?

so thats everything I know. which is nothing.

damn!

we cant move. yet. we cant close as scheduled tuesday. septic not done. weather interefering.

so far

so far today the boys picked all the tiny apples off the tree so they wont become big apples. even though both daddy and myself have told them not to. they were all out picking raspberries even though THEY arent ripe and were told by dad not to pick them. went in the road(this is an ongoing problem, no matter what we do it doesnt register in their heads to stay out of the road). Talked to a stranger who didnt know where they belonged and was telling the police who came by that she didnt know where they belonged. Cody went and got them when he saw them saying they belong here. Andre took off in the woods and doesnt hear well so we panicked when he didnt answer. he has a history of taking off. Natasha got herself stung by a black wasp. Maia put a green marker in her mouth(but it didnt work mom!)and now has green teeth and mouth. Ethan keeps screaming about everything stomping his feet. Diana is hovering just to make sure she doesnt miss out on anything.

yesterday Mocha broke her leash and ran off. Thankfully Jaeger the dog catcher(seriously he is gooooood at this job, better than anyone) was hot on her tail and brought her home before I could slip my birkies on and go after her. Bens straps are missing. we are about to be buried in boxes and the packers come tomorrow to pack the rest of it.

yeah just an ordinary day at home. but they win. This time they win. I put on a movie. I cant get anything done if I have to keep running out after this one or that one.

I did manage to clean out the fridge of old food. cody worked on some dishes and his room. I packed the two night tables(really end tables so fairly big and piled high with stuff. I cleaned behind the bed where the dust bunnies were so big I was almost afraid to go back there. at least it isnt 100 degrees.

tomorrow we go to Pine grove park and zoo. friday to the movies. Saturday to the pool. sunday at home doing not much I suppose since everything should be packed by then. monday the truck comes. tuesday we close. wednesday our stuff comes to new house.

OH! and before I forget, SOPHIE has a date for her osteotomies! Oct 11! this suits my schedule VERY well. she WILL miss some school but it must be done. and better for everyone else if its during school year so no daycare needed.

EXHAUSTED!

and a week to go! cleaning like crazy. packing. organising. making plans and making calls. tomorrow is last day on our own. then the packers come. sssoooooo tired. I just go go go from morning till night. tonight we had what will likely be our last nice meal here. TOmorrow is pizza and then the packing starts and I dont know what we will eat but we wont be making dirty dishes very much. I cant spent the time to wash them all. I have too many other things to do. Eric pulled the bed out so I can clean behind it. and under it. my room is the catch all. so now off to bed so tomorrow I can do it all again. come next tuesday we will sign papers, weds our stuff starts arriving!

the time is drawing near.

movers should be her thursday to start packing. packing ths fri mon. loading mon tues weds. delivery thurs fri. I have a million things to do. a million kids afoot to work around(minus one who is off at band camp) and one week after we move 3 kids go to summer camp. and did I mention my husband is already working up north? so I am on my own here. thank goodness Cody is here. I can sure use a pair of hands. we are going to take the kids to pinegrove zoo ths. movies fri. to try and keep them out of the way. monday I dont know yet. Tuesday we close so we all have to drive up and then I have to come back and finish up.

whew Im tired just thinking about it. I have been working really hard to organise/pack/clean. 2 bathrooms are clean. well one is very clean and one is clean minus the laundry on the floor. one bathroom to go. packed some books from bookshelves so that remaining books will stay put andnot be all over the floor. packed some toys to take with us. laundry laundry laundry. working really hard in my room which is a disaster. cleaned the closet before we went camping for fourth of july. the kids rooms have been cleaned and cleaned and cleaned again but they sure dont stay that way for long. Cody is working on his room.

The 3 girls went to sleepover at grammas. this is their first sleepover. I didnt get any late night calls about I miss you mama. good thing because I couldnt very well drive up to get them! they will be back this evening with Eric. it was very quiet at dinner with only 6 kids and me. We had some soup out of the freezer and ate the ice cream cake that was in there as well. The boys were put out because the girls were going to grammas so I made it special for them to stay home.

We had big storms last night. the wind was hellacious. I wonder if any of the trees out back came down. I didnt see too much damage when I took the dogs out. I expected to see trash everywhere as our trashcan was full on saturday(trash day is friday!) as we are cleaning out so much stuff. but only a lampshade skittered onto the lawn. everything else stayed put. its much cooler today. WHEW! yesterday it was too hot to put clothes on. we did of course anyways, but we wished we had a pool! I guess I better go serve breakfast. the boys will be raiding cabinets soon.

looks like we have a new close day of July 19. I have to call moving co. neighbor will sign easement. yay! septic should begin tomorrow or monday. YAY!

because I dont want to wallow in self pity

I am working to find joy in my journey, an attitude of gratitude.

so here are some good things, some things making me happy.

The warbling verio who has taken up residence outside my bedroom window sings me a beautiful song every morning and twitters all day. sometimes it seems he is saying pretty bird pretty bird. he has a most unique song and we never heard it before he showed up. We know its a male because the males stake out territory and then the female comes. there is only one so it must be a male. I love listening to him.

Its already Wednesday! that means Eric will be home in two more days.

I got to have a great vacation over the fourth with a lot of fun and friends.

I set the kids up to talk to their old friend Dima from Ukraine. I am looking forward to hearing their excited voices telling him all about their lives here. even if I dont understand what they say since they speak to each other in Ukrainian.

The IRS wants more documentation. but it appears I can get that documentation so thats a good thing. some people are having to scramble for canceled checks from many years back.

I promised the kids ice cream today. that means I get ice cream too. that is always a good thing.

The living room is clean. that makes me feel calmer. chaos around me leads to chaos within me. I dont understand it. but it does. the kids all take one chore and its done in a matter of minutes. so now its clean and tidy and calming.

My little Andre is all loves today.

nobody got extreme sunburn on our vacation.

wow! my darling teenaged daughter is up before noon!

our house closing, while likely delayed, doesnt look to be delayed as much as I thought it would be. Our realtor/friend went to the house and checked things out and windows open so thats good. and she left all the calling cards from realtors on the counter for me. she knows I want to sweep them into the trash can myself!

it is not hotter than the sun outside today. a very good thing.

so there are some of my joys. I feel better now. dont you?

ps I thought of a great title for my book when I get around to writing it.

Braids Before Breakfast

well Eric left...

It isnt looking like we are gonna be closing on the house any time soon. the septic isnt in yet. no digging even. and now there is another problem to deal with. The driveway goes across the corner of someone else's land. no easement. so we have to get that settled before we can close. Tomorrow Eric starts his new job. He is staying at my brother's place. We are staying here in our old house. Tonight was our first dinner alone. Ethan had a tantrum when it was time for dishes. I maintained my calm and sent him to bed. I know he was feeling his dad's absence. Andre really really loves hanging with daddy and kept saying I miss daddy. I miss my daddy. I miss him too. Maia kept going back to the car for one more hug and kiss so he couldnt get out of the driveway. Natasha pouted through dinner. Diana didnt eat dinner(her choice). Sophie wasn't very hungry either. Guess everyone is missing Daddy. I have Fabio to keep me warm at night but no one to listen to my warbling verio with. no one to wake up with and talk about the day, or some crazy dream I had. I sure am gonna miss him. Its only for 3 days this week then he will be home again. but it feels like forever.

still here still waiting

ten billion things to do and here I sit doing nothing. I got the boys room fairly organised the other day and packed away a lot. spent HOURS in the girls room making sense and its STILL a disaster!!! A GREAT BIG DISASTER! Do you have any idea how much stuff 5 girls can pack in a room?!!

still hoping for a close date of july 12 or 13. DYING for it is more like it. but all is dependent upon the weather. need decent weather for the septic to get done. no septic no close. so I hope it stays warm!!! Cant wait to be in our new house!!!

I am chucking things left and right in hopes of making life easier on the other end. if it has no use, or if no one uses it, there is no need to keep it. broken toys, clothes stained or outgrown, toys outgrown, crappy mcdonald toys, books missing pages, color books past their prime.

our friend Maggie had a baby boy so I have to go cook something up for her before we go camping tomorrow. still need to load the van and finish packing for that. need to make grocery list for camping. better just get busy. it isnt gonna do itself!

appraisal done! survey almost done! septic to start soon!

My husband probly thinks Im nuts

but I think todays behavior (as well as last nights) is directly related to the ice cream party yesterday. Andre in particular falls apart after ANYTHING. today though ALL of them are crabby mean nasty in bad moods and generally UNFUN! I feel the same way. Last night was ice cream social to say goodbye to Eric(for the community, at the clinic). It was nice there were lots of people who came and told him how much they appreciated his work and that they would miss him. the kids had bowl after bowl of ice cream. with sprinkles. cherries. cherry juice. cookies. lemonade. I let it be their dinner. We had apples and peanut butter later as a snack but I knew if I made dinner no one would eat it. myself included. I had a belly ache all eve. Andre didnt listen and fell apart and ended up in bed. Ethan couldnt focus and read or listen. completely unable to pay attention. wild giggly girls.

Fast forward to today. older kids beating smaller kids, not listening to mom then pouting when Mom comes down on them for it(by saying ONE! TWO! I never got to three)flipping out when mom says to DO something. Being mean to each other, talking back, impatient, whiny, crying over everything, letting the dog out because they WERENT LISTENING WHEN I SAID STOP! emotional warfare(dont be friends with____) ignoring someone talking to them. sulking whenever something isnt exactly as they want, and did I mention impatient? all of these things are kid stuff, we see all of it now and then but today I have seen ALL OF IT ALL DAY! THAT is a bad day.

One boy has trouble with food dyes. again my husband thinks I am nuts but red dyes and blue dyes make this boy crazy. and he has been true to form. if I give him red or blue he shows effects for two to three days after. EVERY TIME. I never remember until the fall out. but I always recognise it when I see it. Last night He had dozens of marachino cherries, filled with red dye. today? monster.

I guess I better go offer up some snacks before they mutiny and join forces against me instead of focusing on their own injustices.

more waiting

I want to be done!!! we are agreed as to what will be done by whom but still it takes time for all to be done. I believe we are on schedule to close July 13. none too soon!! I dont want to wash dishes anymore. I want to put them in dishwasher. I dont want to shower I want to take a long relaxing bath. I dont want to carry little Miss Thing to the bathroom all the time. I want to just let her wheel herself. I want the fenced in yard for dogs so letting them out in mornings is so much nicer. as of now we take them on leash outside at 5am to do business. and back in eat drink and back in crates until 8 or 9 then back out on leashes to be tied out awhile. wouldnt it be easier to open a door and let em go? I want to be able to find what I need when I want it. as it is here I often have to drive many miles to get what we need. not to mention the overpricing on what IS available. I WANT TO MOVE! people say oh we are so sorry to see your kids go. people say to E oh we are so sorry to see you go. wouldnt it be nice if someone, ANYONE was sorry to see ME go? at least I can have some space and ability to get things I need to do things I enjoy. provided we ever MOVE!!!!

SHE SIGNED! WE HAVE AN AGREEMENT!!! YAYYYYY!!

an agreement?

we counter offered to her counter offer. sounds like she is going to take it but nothing in writing yet. realtor just called. more waiting I guess.

updates

Still no idea when we will move. Oh I know when ERIC will move. but as to when WE will move I havent any idea. still negotiating on the house. the septic needs replacing. Eric starts his job July 6. so he will go off to our new city and stay with my brother while we stay behind here and do....we'll what we do every day. a little bit of this a lot of that. clean house cook serve and clean again. I am not looking forward to his leaving. Chrysta will go to band camp shortly thereafter. then a couple weeks later she and cody and ethan go to their other summer camp. Thats the last week in July. If we are not in the new house by then I will be completely on my own with 7 kids including the little miss who cant walk or take herself to bathroom or up and down stairs. You ever take 7 kids grocery shopping? no one else to count on for anything. not even in the evenings. at least now eric comes home at the end of the day. we have no date for closing. no end in sight. hell for all I know we could still be here come September.

plannin to camp over fourth of july weekend but no one to watch the dogs. 40 dollars a day to send them to kennel IF they even have room for them as its a bit late to make reservations for 4th of July. Maybe Cody will want to stay home and take care of them for the weekend. he never wants to go with us anymore anyways. we cant take them with because they bark at everyone that goes by. Terra gets loose all the time and runs off and doesnt listen. Cant imagine them in a tent. would have to haul their GIANT kennels. Maybe the neighbor kid will put them out. He is usually around. but he has a real job now so maybe not. like I said, no one to count on.
no real friends here except Maggie and Jay and they will have a new baby by then. maybe Eric can take them all camping and I will stay home and take care of the dogs. yeah like THAT would happen!

The garage

well the garage is all clean and tidy and organised. the back of the car is filled with junk for the thrift store. Eric decided since he was on call today we should clean the garage. and what do you think happened halfway through the job? he got called in. so I finished it myself.

so here I am inside now wishing I could make the inside of the house as sparce and organised as the garage is. but you can imagine 12 people's junk takes up a lot of space. I keep trying to get rid of it but I swear it multiplies faster than I can ditch it. And then there are kids who reclaim things. and my dear husband who cant bear to tell a child NO and lets them take HIS crap and garbage and junk for their own. Then I have to be the bad guy and get rid of it later when they still want it! perhaps they will all become hoarders someday because at the orphanage nothing was ever theirs. and here, well a lot of stuff is community property and for sanities sake mom might ditch your good junk when you arent looking. We are moving in less than 2 months. some of this has to go!!! I think our kindergarten teacher is retiring because the kids came home with all sorts of stuff from their classroom. wall hangings, posters, felt board stories, tshirts that say Isle Wahkon on them.

well I guess I should go do the dishes so I can cook dinner. probably wont get a lot of purging done since I am the only adult or even semi adult here right now and the kids seem to be needy today. which reminds me. my mom had this great idea. take a number. so if everyone is talking to me at once then I tell them take a number. then I can finish what I started and then in an orderly fashion hear what they have to say. My hope is that they will get tired of waiting and solve some of their own problems. if not at least I can hear them each without listening to chaos!

last day of school!

today is the last day of school for the year. its also our last day in this district. and the trash man just came and waved as he always does. will miss that. anyways the last day! I can hardley believe it and yet I am so excited that its here. the kids are excited too. Natasha thought I would be upset to have them here all the time. Not so. I like when they are here. I do not like getting everyone out the door in the morning. There are always stragglers. There are always boys who dont want to get out of bed. (*ironically none of the girls) hoping for a relaxing summer. Last night for Ethan's bday we had a fire out back and cooked weenies. then came in and had cake. Ethan got super soaker water guns and a tball set. and a car his sister bought him. Eric cut down a few trees and made them haul the braches to the firepit for burning. You would think that hard labor, a fun time at the firepit, hot dogs, cake, and a whole lotta outside time would make for sleepy kids. in the case of the boys NOT SO!

Our new house is going into negotiations today. Hope to hear something soon, but dont really expect to hear before monday. Hoping for some pool time tomorrow if the weather is nice. every time we have planned that it rained. so we are hoping for rain tomorrow. yes I said rain. if we hope for sun it rains. so we are hoping for rain, maybe that way we will get sun.

sooooo

I made up these cute little cards and they just pick one. on the other side is a chore. whichever card they pick thats the chore they do. I guess I finally figured out no one is going to come to me and say Mom lets do chores! so I just have to make them. if we all do chores together it takes 10 minutes to make it look clean in here. so one card says sweep, one says trash(that means pick up all stray trash on the floor. you would be surprised how much accrues in one day!), one says shoes(toss all the shoes in shoe cabinet), one says toys(pick up all toys), one says laundry(again just pick up stray laundry and toss in laundry room), and stairs(clean the trash and whatnot off stairs.), and books(gather all the books and put back on shelf) takes ten minutes tops. after the vacuuming we dump all the clean clothes on the floor and each kid takes their stuff. Anything left after Last Call goes away. so far only a few stray socks and underpants that have already been through several kids have been tossed. It was so nice the other day to come home to a clean house since we did chores before we left for the day. its a start. the clothes in their rooms is still a problem. but there are just too many kids in each room. 5 girls in a room have a LOT of clothes! 4 boys also have a lot(altough less since I took out long sleeved tops and heavy sweaters) so when we move there will be no more than 3 in a room. THAT will help. pick up some dressers at goodwill when we get there. THAT will help. there just isnt enough space here.

Life

It is my own fault, but I am tired out. Tired of cooking, setting and serving, and cleaning up while they all disappear. Tired of doing laundry that ends up on the floor, or that will sit in baskets until I find the time to fold them(at which point they end up back on the floor) I am tired of the demands. and the one who needs the most care demands it. most of the others demand what they want also. my own fault. but this too shall pass. and it is going to pass in a hurry. I am one. they are ten. I am mother, not servant. You do not order me, it is I who should order you. I dont generally order. I ask nicely. its how I am. but mostly no one hears. so starting today things change. there will be please and thank you. there will be clearing of the table. there will be helping out around the house. I tried a chore box where they pick chores but they only wanted to do certain ones not other ones and then they wanted to do it over and over again. well you know, the bathroom sink doesnt need to be cleaned 15 times in one day while the laundry waits for a week. I even implemented a cash system based on stickers. each chore is worth a sticker. the stickers later translate to cash. but only when you want something. I dont give cash because we have theives in the house. I dont mind the stickers and cash part. but the how we decide what needs doing part needs some work. there was a chore chart that changed daily but that has since disappeared. I dont know quite HOW I will do it but I WILL DO IT. it has to be easier to train them all to help out than it is to do it all myself. someone suggested letting them do their own laundry. well I dont trust my boys to use my fancy expensive washing machine. they cant even take good care of their OWN stuff. they can however keep their clothes put away and or in the laundry room. they can take the clean clothes and fold them. Natasha knows how to do laundry and Chrysta. they need to step in and do more of it. Chrysta and Cody have traditionally done the dishes at night but there needs to be more help with that too. I need to find a system that works. and make it stick. I am tired of taking care of things other people are fully capable of doing. Most of them CANT take care of Sophie, so they need to do some of the other things so that I am not so wiped out taking care of her.

Sophie is another thing on my mind. she is not walking. no where near. I really thought she would be walking by now. it is hard to have to take her to the bathroom all the time. most kids take themselves at this age. and even as toddlers learning they do MOST of the work, you just tell them when. With Sophie she announces she has to go(but is working on learning to ask someone to take her not just say I HAVE TO GO)then she needs to physically be taken to the bathroom, lifted, pants down, set on toilet, clean her, lift her, pants up, wash hands, put her back down to play and move on. this gets to be a lot when you are the only one doing it. occasionally Eric or Chrysta or Cody will take her but mostly its me. she goes in the morning, after lunch, after nap, before dinner, after dinner,(sometimes after dinner IS just before bed) before bed. we have no date for her first surgery. and no clue as to when or if there will be further surgeries. I suppose once we get to the new house we can use her chair more and that will help a little. but she needs so much help and I get tired doing it all. she cant bring herself to table for lunch or dinner. she cant get out of bed. she cant dress or undress. she cant toilet herself. she cant shower herself.or put on/take off AFOs and/or shoes. getting anything done with her is impossible because she cant sit in cart, and I cant get anything I need if she is in stroller or wheelchair. putting her in, taking her out, getting out some sort of wheels for her and putting her back in and putting wheels away takes longer than the drive to get there. we do walk sometimes but its been rainy and cold. she is very cute. very sweet. and she doesnt want to be a burden but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed at the amount of needs she has. I would actually prefer diapers so I could eliminate the bathroom demands and change her on my schedule but she is fully trained. Oh I know she has come SO FAR. she has learned to roll over, sit up, kneel, stand, crawl, do stairs, feed self, play independently. I think those things are awesome. but sometimes it gets to be a lot when you think of all the things she doesnt do. and there is no help. I am looking forward to her going to kindergarten so someone else can take care of her needs for awhile each day. but thats months away so I better buck up and get used to it.

A house

we have been looking for the perfect house for months. We started in about January. we have seen 3-6 houses just about every week since then. We saw many too small houses, too big houses, too little land houses, not quite right houses. We saw this one house early on and went back to it about 4 times. every time becoming more and more enamored with it. It sits on 55 acres with a loooooong driveway. fenced in back yard for the dogs. deck. big kitchen. enough bedrooms. enough space inside and out. little covered porch on the front. The last time we were there there was one lone Robin singing on a tree for me. that clinched it in my mind. but we kept looking. we found another house that would totally work but the only problem is that it wouldnt work for long. As Sophie changes and grows and as she goes through surgeries and times when she is unable to walk it just wouldnt work then. and we went back again to this house on 55 acres. we even brought in a contractor to see about doing some stuff. In the end, after looking at probably a hundred houses in the duluth area we decided on one of the first ones we saw. the one with the loooooong driveway. We kept looking for another house that offered us that convenient location, that privacy, that much house space, that much yard space and we just couldnt find it. so we are movin to Hermantown. Close to friends who are already looking forward to having us so much closer, and we are looking forward to being close to them. only 5 miles from my family. close to shopping. close to the city and all that it offers in the way of culture, dining, activities, and attractions. and yet it sits on 55 acres so you are surrounded by trees and nature and privacy. We are planning to close in July. here is a link to a listing that has some photos of the house. http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/5425-Morris-Thomas-Rd-Hermantown-MN-55810/61593751_zpid/

Day 14: A website you like to visit.

I go to many websites but some of my favorites are Reecesrainbow.org and www.147millionorphans.com

Both regard orphans. One helps to find adoptive families to adopt kids with speical needs. one helps those left behind by selling products to support those children left as orphans. My favorite tshirt says 147million orphans.....feed 1.

I have a heart for orphans. We adopted 7 of them. Many people say to me we just cant afford the high costs of adoption. it isnt that we couldnt raise one, we just cant pay the fees involved to get one home. and yet they drive a fancy car and buy a new boat or big gas grill, etc. We chose to forgo those things. we used our credit cards, savings, donations, and many people do fundraisers(we didnt). we drive older cars, our only boat is a canoe. we dont own a gas grill. we dont drink lattes. I want to shake people and say you can afford two fancy cars and a boat but you cant afford to save the life of a child? really? perhaps those arent the kinds of people who should be adopting, but I so tire of hearing well we just dont have that kind of money laying around. NO ONE DOES! do you think we had the money laying around to go adopt FOUR at one time? no. absolutely not. but if you are willing to go into hoc for a boat, why not a child? get a loan. get a grant. get your church to help you(alexis you have an awesome church go get that baby!)fundraise. use your credit card. stop buying lattes and save the money. it doesnt all come due at once, it comes due in bits and pieces. first the home study. then dossier costs. dossier mailing costs. then comes the bulk of it in facilitator and travel costs. then a wee bit more at the embassy and you are done! there are so many deserving kids who NEED a home. a place to know love and family. A place to grow with guidance. If you see a child on reecesrainbow.org that moves you to adopt, www.147millionorphans.com also has a fundraising kit. you can sell their tshirts, they sell them to you at cost allowing you to save the difference for your adoption. there are 147 MILLION kids without homes and families and people who love them. Isnt every child deserving of love? maybe you or someone you know can make a difference in the lives of some of these children. Maybe you will buy from 147millionorphans.com maybe you will donate to a child or a family on reecesrainbow.org maybe you will adopt one or more kids and make them your own. maybe you will tell everyone you know about these two websites and ask them to help too. Every child deserves a famiy. a home. love. can you deny them?

how

how do I teach kids to be organised? they have no clue and they just dont CARE. so I said I am not going to do their laundry anymore. I wash dry and fold. its their job to put away. to me this translates put the proper things int he proper place. for them it translates to stick it all SOMEWHERE...ANYWHERE. so then when they want....say..underwear...they arent in the right spot and so they toss everything around and dig until they find underwear. then walk all over everything until mom says clean your room then they toss it all in the wash. I spent the morning cleaning and doing laundry and you wouldnt have a clue I even bothered. they just have no clue. I asked them to clean out under the beds. they cleaned as far as you can see standing up. I asked them to clean under the table they just allocated it to different piles under the table! I am fed up with being the only one who cleans up. Eric tries to be useful but lets be fair he works every day of the week(yes weekends and holidays too)and often has little more than 3 waking hours at home in a day. The kids just show up at the table and wait to be served. they eat and then they leave. leaving me to do it all. this is not going to continue. when we move the movers will move everything. dirty diapers trash empty soda cans. they dont choose WHAT to move, only how to move it. its our job to clean out and clean up. and I want to get at it NOW! but no one seems to get how to help. AAARRGHHH!!!

why?

Why does a boy who willingly and purposefully destroys most everything he puts his hands on sobs his heart out because his balloon flew away!

Day 13: A photo that makes you laugh

I try to do something new for Eric's birthday every year. sometimes its a balloon. sometimes we all pretend we forgot and then surprise we find a cake hidden in the garage. one year it was groucho glasses. It was cheap fun. and full of funny memories. See for yourself.

Day12 Something you dont leave the house without

KIDS! even a trip to the grocery store has seven or eight or ten kids saying I wanna go! I wanna go! sometimes I take this one or that one. or two or three. or none. Depends on the day. Depends on where I am headed and what my intended purpose is when I get there. I took the boys shoe shopping last weekend and the next time I suggest such a thing I hope someone will suggest that a root canal would be more fun. the girls shopping are all about gimme gimme gimme. i want i want i want. and ohhh how bout this? can we have this? whyyyyyy? the boys were all about Im hungry. are we done yet? can we go now? I want to go home. we arent ever going to get home! we are stuck in here forever! I dont like lunch, sulk I dont like those shoes, sulk. so as one can imagine I prefer to go alone. but usually when I leave the house its on a mission that involves kids. eye doctor. dentist. specialist appt. philly appt. regular doctor. school event. school. so the one thing I take with me most often is kids. 1 or 2 or 6 or 10 just depends on the day and the activity.

GRRR! AGAIN!!

we had our hearts set on a piece of land and were making plans and oops we forgot to tell you there is a pending offer and that driveway is actually an easement. so we moved on from that and had 2 other plans. one worked out to be TOO MUCH MONEY to fix it up. on to plan C. making plans. thinkin we will go look at the land one more time. Call agent and find out that oops that land is sold. they didnt mark it pending so all this time we have been planning and thinking it was already sold. we are really mad and frustrated and disappointed and wondering if we should even bother moving up there. we have been looking at properties for a good 3-4 months. and no one will survey their land. so you never know exactly where the lines are and how much property is included. its very frustrating.

Maybe we just shouldnt move there. maybe this is the universe saying there is something somewhere else for us. I dont know. we could stay here. but that would suck. we could go to Ukraine for the summer. no. just kidding on that one. We are disappointed that we wont see summer in Ukraine this year. we really did enjoy Ukraine. but I dont see a trip to Ukraine in the cards.

Eric is on call today so I didnt really get a chance to talk to him but I know he is feeling the need to move on from his job. it is just a question of WHERE. do we keep trying in Duluth when its clearly not working? should we give up and look elsewhere? where? Im all for california! or texas! but I dont know that Eric would be too keen on that. and of course there is always the jerk who will want to make things difficult but I really think at this point the kids are old enough to have their say in court. at 14 one child hates going to dads. at 16 one child doesnt care either way. and he sure doesnt go out of his way to see them but a couple times a year so why couldnt he do that with us living further away? but he would be a dick just because he could. thats how he works. father of the year and all that.

so where will we live? where will we move? when will we move? who knows.

I am sad

It gets tiresome taking care of people who dont trust you. and also those that you cant trust. two of my kids have substantial needs. they need help in a lot of their activities of daily life. They need help with their equipment, bathroom, getting to the table, eating, dressing or undressing, getting in or out of bed, brushing teeth, washing hands, well a lot. the only thing they do independently consistantly is play. and even then they WANT me to do it for them. I have to draw the line somewhere though. so if you want that doll dressed then you have to find a way to do it yourself. anyways, these two are very sweet and loving but it is clear that they dont trust. constant reproach for how you are doing things, constant fear that you will hurt them or drop them(I have never under any circumstances dropped them). they can be demanding and needy. and what do you get in return? complaints, fears, worries. while its sad that they should feel that way it gets a bit wearing on me who does the bulk of their cares. a warm meal that doesnt include getting up 16 times or a nights sleep thats uninterrupted, or a shower that doesnt include crying over nothing, or faking laughter so that it appears you think its funny while its really just an excuse to pull yourself away from my touch.

then you have the ones who cant be trusted. I "planted" a nickel. it wasnt 15 minutes before it was gone. INSIDE a container IN MY BATHROOM. someone knows that I have money there, it isnt a secret anyways. mostly pennies. but I knew someone had been digging in it because every time I put a quarter in it disappears. One child has a history of stealing. So does another. one admitted it but the other returned it. so who did it? I am sad that I cant trust my kids. that they would steal me blind. I am sad that my kids dont trust me when I am their biggest defender and advocate.

giveaway!

everyone loves to get something for nothing! everyone loves to WIN something! here is a great giveaway! over at taylored inspirations. check it out. maybe you will win! I love giveaways but never won anything yet. maybe this will be my lucky shot!

http://www.tayloredinspirations.com/2011/04/my-big-birthday-giveaway/#comment-1252

Check this out!

ronald mcdonald house of philadelphia features a family in their newsletter. see if you recognise anyone. http://www.philarmh.org/fileadmin/media/pdf/newsletters/PRMH_Newsletter_2011_Volume_1.pdf

day 11 TV shows you are addicted to

I dont watch a lot of tv and when I do I often watch it online. The only shows I am really into are hoarders and the one about extreme couponing. I LOVE ghost hunters but I dont watch every week like I used to. rather now and then I happen upon it. but the ones I look for are hoarders and extreme couponing.

there are lots of shows I LIKE but I dont watch regularly. I actually LOVE Backyardigans! I know its crazy but I love it. they sing and they explore and imagine. I love when the kids watch it because I can watch too.

The amount of time I spend actually watching tv is not very much. I catch hoarders now and then online when they have a new one. I catch the couponing one if my daughter tells me its on and shes watching it. I do love Psychic kids but I think they didnt make another season of that. so most days I wont even turn ON the tv.

til there was you

there were bells. on a hill. but I never heard them ringing.
no I never heard them at all, till there was you.

I think about how much my kids have lost in moving to a new country, but also how much they have gained. and I think how they are the bells. they are the very thing you always wanted but never knew what it was. I love them so much. I love how when Jaeger stomps and pouts if I stomp and pout too it turns into laughter instead of tears. I love how the Diana and Natasha cant get enough hugs and kisses. I love how Andre asks me every day "what today eat?" I love when Ethan does the right thing and I catch him so I can point it out. seems to happen more and more lately. I love how Maia still thinks herself my baby and crawling into my lap solves everything. I love how Cody still tells me he loves me when he leaves for school and how Chrysta never leaves without a kiss goodbye. I love how Sophie just keeps on keepin on even though its hard. I love how sweet my Ben is, how his cheeks feel when I kiss them. yes there were bells. but they were OTHER people's bells. now I hear them. they are for me.

there were birds in the sky but I never heard them singing. no I never heard them at all, till there was you

day 10 things that scare you

makes me sing that old song.....I dont like spiders and snakes! and that aint what it takes to love me! actually i dont mind snakes but spiders creep me out. its completely irrational and involuntary. spider feeling on my arm SCREAM! spider moving towrds me SCREAM! the worst..spider falling in my direction SCREAAAAM! We had roaches in the first apartment we stayed in in Ukraine. that grossed me out and creeped me out too. I stopped sleeping nights. I would stay awake all night and only go to sleep around 4 when it got light outside and sleep till 7 or 8. does that make any sense? NO!none. but the roach was under my pillow and there was no way I was gonna sleep with them crawling on me. Husband had NO TROUBLE sleeping. my rationale was that if the daylight were coming on they would be moving on to darker areas. and then I would be safe. yep just like I said makes no sense but I wasnt risking it!

one thing that has always troubled me, caused me fear, is death. I cant stand the thought of leaving my babies! That I could never see their chrubic faces, that they would have to live without me, that it would be just another blow in the many losses they have experienced. I am cautious when I drive. I wear my seatbelt. I wear a bike helmet if I ride a bike. I dont drink I dont smoke. I dont have dangerous hobbies(although I did once get a sewing maching needle into my finger!) and still I fear death at every corner. I am always watching thinking I wont let it get ME! which of course is absolutely ridiculous. if its your time then its your time and there isnt any sense hiding from it! but alas its what I am. I am so in love with my children I dont even go on VACATION away from them! I hate to be away from them! so I do my best to make sure that I wont be away from them.

day 9 a favorite quote

Find joy in the journey. often repeated to myself. especially when things go wrong or not as expected. find the joy in the journey. its there. find it. make it what you focus on instead of the pain or upset of the difficulties. there are days I just cant find it. I am too focused on the negative. but I try. I try to find joy in my journey.

day 8: A place you have traveled to

well I already wrote about my travels to Mexico, but I didnt mention the part about how I broke my leg there. One of my most favorite places to travel is Ukraine. Kiev is such a wonderful old city full of history. It is welcoming and you can walk all over. We went there to adopt but now that we are done with that I still find myself missing Ukraine in a way that I dont miss anywhere else. We went to Russia 6 years ago for Ethan and it was winter and cold but we had some fun seeing some sites with our awesome interpreter Sergei. He made us laugh. But our time in Russia seemed to have this oppressive feel. it was scary. we worried for every move we made. maybe that was just us? maybe because it was our first adoption and we had a brand new baby at home we were missing? I dont know. But Ukraine never felt that way. When I go to Ukraine I feel as if I am coming home. I dont even speak the language but I feel as if its home all the same. I love to fly down over the fields of wheat as the plane decends to the airport. I leave with sadness. wondering when I will ever come back. Thankfully the kids would like to go back some day so there is my ticket to Kiev! I dont know that we will be doing any more adoptions but the people we met in Pryluky were so great. I dont know how I can ever thank them for their service and kindness to us. There is a little cafe at the back of the market place that we ate at nearly every day. the ladies there were so funny an kind to us. they would always give us metal silverware instead of the plastic everyone else used. they would always give us a glass for our soda so we wouldnt have to drink from the bottle. they would smile and laugh with us while we tried to breach the language barrier to find out what food was being served. I will never forget those ladies. and the ladies at the hotel were always kind and helpful. they always called us a cab and then would watch for it and alert us that it was there. as if we couldnt see for ourselves. maybe they saw it as we were idiots and couldnt be trusted to catch a cab ourselves but we saw their efforts as kindness. Our friends Dima and Natasha and Daryna we met there. they loved our kids before we did. they showed us the sights of their fair country so the kids could take those memories of their land with them to their new land. They do still talk about those visits. not to mention Dima's and his Mama's home cooking. We never went hungry thats for sure! YUMMY! I feel as though we embraced Ukraine and in return Ukraine embraced us. we didnt get that feel in Russia. so while I would go to Russia again if the opportunity arose, as I love to travel, I LONG to go to Ukraine. to the fast food place with the yummy Ukrainian dishes, life in the little apartments, the historical sights, the people watching, sitting on a bench in the sun on Kreschatik street eating ice cream, putting my feet in the fountains without fear of reproach. so many things beckon me back to Ukraine. Piro govo was a gorgous day and I was sad to leave it thinking we might never go back there. it was just the kind of place we love to spend a sunny day. we drank Kvas and ate fruits and nuts we brought with us and enjoyed a trip down Ukraine's memory lane.

More recently I discovered a place closer to home that has become my second home. Philadelphia. I go there a lot. at first I had a hard time with it. but I LOVE being in the big city and the people ARE nice there its just a different kind of nice than Minnesota nice. they are nice surrounded by a crusty tough gruff exterior. they talk funny there too but I love to listen to it. I am fascinated by language. We have made so many friends there that it feels like a family reunion when we go there. I sometimes wish our visits were longer! we never have any time to see the sights. the only sights we see are ronald mcdonald house and shriners hospital and anything we see from the cab on the way. but I like to go there. there is much more diversity amongst the people there than there is here. if I could just find a good Indian restraunt I would be so happy there! Maybe Ben and I will take a cab to find some good food next time we go.

Blog Challenge day 7 favorite books

Favorite books. All of them. I love to read. As one can imagine I dont get ALOT of reading done but last year I read about 15 books(adult books) and a gazillion kid books. My favorite kid books are Mama do you love me? and Rikki Tikki Tembo. To this day I can not walk by rushing water without saying Speak LOUDER my little one, the water is rushing! Rikki Tikki Tembo No Sarembo Charri Barri Ruchi Pip Perry Pembo has fallen into the well! My husband probably rolls his eyes where as he used to laugh. I bought the book for my kids but it got destroyed. Kids will do that. I might have to buy it again. We have a couple copies of Mama do you love me? and I love that story. If you havent read it, its about a little girl asking Mama do you love me? Mama says Yes I do dear one. but little girl goes on to present all kinds of crazy scenarios and would Mama still love her THEN? and Mama tells her that she would be scared or angry or upset but still she would love the child. I like the message. I tell my kids often that I do love them even when they are naughty or mean or angry or sneaky or not where I can see them or if I am far away or if they are sick or well or hurt or big or little or in trouble or calm or......infinity.

Adult books I am into right now is English history. Historical fiction. Based on the facts of English history a novel is woven around them. I read the white queen(waiting for Red queen to come out in paperback) The Other Queen. just finished The Other Boleyn girl. and now reading the boleyn inheritance. loooooooooove it. I love English history. I love to read about Anne Boleyn and watch movies of that time. I like a good mystery too. I just like to read. and I DO judge a book by its cover. If the cover isnt appealing I probably wont read it. But I usually flip to random page inside the book and read a bit. if it seems to my liking I will read it, if not I will put it back. I have read many good books that I wouldnt have otherwise thought to read by this method. I used to go to book club at my local library but I havent done that in awhile. I can never finish the book on their schedule. So I just read for myself.

I remember when I was a child and the other kids were learning to read and I wanted to GO GO GO!!! I was already reading and it was terrible to have to sit there and listen to someone sound out a word while I am already reading ahead to the next page! I spent a lot of my childhood and teen years reading. I would stop at the public library and fill my library bag with books -sometimes up to 20. and take them home and read. One year we went on a long vacation and I had a lot of reading time. I think I read about 20 books that month. I looooove to read. Even better is to snuggle in my bed in the sunshine and read.

What do you all read?

all of the children on this site as well as many others were distant faces. they meant little to me. while I was sad that no one wanted them, I had no idea what some endure. fast forward a few years and several adoptions later. I KNOW now. I wish I didnt but I do. I KNOW that these kids are facing life in prison essentially. and ultimately death. and it kills me. we adopted 7 kids. we had 3 biologically. we are NOT getting younger or richer. and my heart breaks looking at their little faces. wishing I could be the Mama that smooches their little cheeks. or big cheeks in the case of older kids. I donate to adopting families wherever I can. I pass the word about RR and 147 million orphans. and yet I feel like I have done nothing. barely a drop in the bucket. would I go back again if my husband would get on board? IN A HEARTBEAT! knowing that a certain child that I love(yes I love her)will soon be deprived of the medications that keep her alive and she will likely die of AIDS or an aids related death is just too much to bear. she is nearly 7 years old. 7 year olds should not die of AIDS or die of anything! they should jump on the trampoline and play in the grass and feel the sun on their faces and put their toes in the sand. They should crawl into their Mama's arms for a hug when they feel sad. They should not die! Dieing is for old people! people who have lived their lives fully and are ready to make that journey. What hurts the most is that they never had anyone love them as if they were THE most important person in the world. that no matter what they do they will always hold this persons love. I am rambling and saying nothing it seems. I just get so frustrated because PEOPLE DONT GET IT! they just dont get it! an orphanage is no place for children. I guess its good that I hurt it means I dont forget. I wear the bracelet of a child who died of AIDS so that he can always be remembered by someone. but how can I do more? how can I get OTHERS to see? how can I make sure THEY dont forget and get people to DO something to help? helpless is what I feel the most.

blog challenge day 6

I got a little distracted and lazy. but on with the show. #6 a random picture that makes you happy. I love the beach. I love the sun and summer. I love Cherry coke. this reminds me of our trip to Mexico. I pined for my children so badly my husband had to MAKE me stay there the entire vacation. I look back on the trip fondly but in the moment I felt I would DIE without my kids! I had never left them for a week! Little did I know I would soon after leave them for several weeks. and again after that. and again after that. and again after that. and heck now all the time I am running and leave most of them home. but that precious vacation in the sun on the beach it was nearly too much for me to be away from them.