Thursday, June 6, 2013
There is a song I heard on the radio that reminds me there is good in the trials. Even if you can't see them at that moment. Some days are hard. really hard. Some days you don't want to get out of bed. Or you dread going home at the end of the day. We pray for blessings, we pray for peace, Comfort for family, protection while we sleep I have to travel with my kids quite often. I don't have the luxury of having another pair of helping hands when I do. The other day I was struggling to get my carry on luggage as well as my disabled child all gathered into my arms in the 2.5 extra seconds they give us when we pre-board before the other passengers begin boarding. We pray for healing, for prosperity We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering. I also need to close the wheelchair. Many times I do this all alone as other passengers begin boarding, passing me by, oblivious to my struggles, lost in their own world as I am reduced to tears trying to do it all, and quickly. And all the while, You hear each spoken need Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things But occasionally someone sees us. They offer a helping hand. I take it. I used to be too independent minded and strong to take help. Now if someone offers, I gladly accept. 'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops? What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near? What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise At home I deal with an explosive child. Getting along with the other children is difficult for him. He sees everything as an attack. If we help him he gets upset. If we don't help he gets upset. He is difficult to calm when he reaches his breaking point. We are often at a loss as to how to help him. We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love As if every promise from Your word is not enough And all the while, You hear each desperate plea And long that we'd have faith to believe Sometimes days are difficult. sometimes everyone gets along. on the days where no one can find a single kind thing to say I will try to remind myself 'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops What if Your healing comes through tears What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise Parenting special kids is isolating, it is all consuming, and to be honest many people just do not even understand what we do or even why we choose to do it. We do not have very many friends or people we can count on. But for these children we do it all. They deserve our best. no matter how lonely it gets. When friends betray us When darkness seems to win We know that pain reminds this heart That this is not, This is not our home It's not our home sometimes no one sleeps. this causes everyone to be cranky and have a short temper. This is the nature of the beast. That doesn't make it any easier running on only a couple hours sleep. I feel the wrath of their irritability and though I try not to, sometimes they feel the wrath of mine. 'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops What if Your healing comes through tears What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near Depression is common in parents of kids with special needs. the more kids with special needs the higher the risk of depression and divorce. Sometimes we argue with our spouses and cry ourselves to sleep wondering where we went wrong and what we ever did to deserve this life that is not what we planned for, not what we hoped for. We wonder if we can survive even one more tantrum, one more day of difficulty, one more minute of this life. What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy What if trials of this life The rain, the storms, the hardest nights Are your mercies in disguise yes. life is hard raising kids. Life is even harder raising kids with special needs, harder still raising multiple kids with various special needs. Hard but not impossible. They will grow. Life will get easier in time. I can get through it. If I can remember to look for the silver linings, the blessings in disguise, I can get through it with a lot more grace, a lot more comfort, and a lot less pain and disappointment. Each of these children given to me, by birth, by adoption, are each a beautiful blessing, no matter how hard they are to care for on any given day.
at 4:34 PM