Monday, April 5, 2010
Ben still struggles with boy and girl labels. Daughter and son are interchangable and if he is a good boy why then Sophie is a good boy too. Today when I was frustrated with his inability to do a job he needed to be working on(getting his pants on. he KNOWS how, just chose to do other things) and I was rushing about throwing every one in the care because I had to be somewhere at 11. So I got on him just a little. I said Ben you have had plenty of time to put on your pants. We need to go now! Lets put on your pants. and then I turned them right side out and started getting them on him. he kept asking me I dotter? I dotter? I still dotter Mama? and I didnt have a clue what he was saying because I thought he was asking if he could still play something and I was saying no we have to go. then I got it. and I stopped. I looked him in the eye and said oh! Daughter! no you are my son. Girls are daughters. yes Ben you are my son. still my son. always my son. forever. and he smiled and hugged me and said thank you mama. and gave me a kiss. he is so darn sweet. and so obviously clueless about this Mama thing. I scooped him up and took him to the car and told him I love him and when we came home he could play outside(his favorite thing) he was happy then. poor kid. it makes me so sad that just because he didnt get his pants on he thinks he will be disowned. sent away. back to groupa for you. I love his tender little heart and it breaks mine that his is so uknowing about how love works. children should never have to wonder if they will be tossed on their ear if they mess up. kids DO mess up. its their JOB! and while paretns withdraw their approval they do not withdraw their love. The love for them should be constant and questioning of it unneeded. so sad that so many children dont know that love. Happy that I can be the one to teach them and make a difference in a few of their lives, but in reality my soon to be total of 6 adopted kids is merely a drop in the ocean.