A Dozen Good Eggs

Friday, April 9, 2010


Recently a family that adopted a child from Russia and when things didnt go well they popped him on a plane to Russia. this really enrages me. They vowed to keep him safe! they not only put that child in danger they put all American adoptions in Russia in danger. I dont care what that kid did, at 7 years old it is still their job to keep him safe. If that means turning him over to social services so be it but putting him on a flight to Russia ALONE is not cool at all. I know our experience with Russian adoption was rough. but we hung tough. we took our vow to parent seriously. I still have to tell my little Russian every day that it is my job to keep him safe. how can this child ever trust again? the people who swore to keep him safe sent him to the lions den. And how did this child at 7 years old get on a plane alone and make appropriate transfers? how did he get through security in other airports? I would be very alarmed by a 7 year old traveling alone.

This child was taken away from everything he has ever known, taken to a new country, with new smells, new food, new language that he doesnt speak or understand, new expectations of him. Imagine if someone took you and plopped you down in a Russian family, how long do you think it would take you to adjust? 6 months? a year? years? ever? I imagine life would get easier for you as you learned the langauge. but would you ever completely assimilate? everything and everyone you ever knew is gone. thats a wound thats gonna take some time to heal. Maybe you will try to be bad so they will send you back to where you know how life works. Maybe you will lie cheat steal be aggressive.

Adopted kids go through all those same emotions and questions. You cant expect a newly adopted child to be all hearts and flowers. you have to expect the bad with the good. they are struggling. its a HUGE life change for them. When you give birth you spend 9 months with another life getting to know each other. with adoption you spend at most a few weeks with each other and then they come into your home and life. You cant expect the relationship to feel as if you have given birth. it takes time to build a bond and attachment. when you bring your adopted child home you are virtually strangers! If your husband brought home his brother whome you had never met and said he is moving in! love him! you would struggle, it would take time, but probably with a bit of work, at some point you would come to love him. its the same with an adopted child. it all takes time.

I think that parents are grossly undereducated to adopt. We went into Ethans adoption completely blind. we didnt know the half of what we were getting into. We learned as we went. and we are better prepared now having gone through it with him. We know better what to expect from adopted kids. and how to deal with those things. But when Ethan cried ALL DAY LONG and ALL NIGHT LONG for weeks it was exhausting and I didnt really know what to do for him. I had a newborn as well and though well he is 2 he can act like a two year old. Well he couldnt. it took a long time for him to act like a two year old. probably not until he was 4.

Adoption is a wonderful gift to a child and a family. but it isn't free from work. it doesnt always go as planned. it doesnt always even go well. but if you do your work beforehand you can be prepared. if you do adopt dont give up because the beginning is hard. Adoption is like giving birth in one aspect, you promise to keep that kid safe. please take that seriously. if you need help get it. if things go bad and you cant go on then be responsible and make sure that kid is safe.


  1. Wow. Of course I don't know all the details, but what kind of person, PARENT for that matter, makes a decision like that?! How awful for that child.

  2. Wow, i can't believe something like this can happen.. How could they do something like that? It makes me so sad to think about that little boy...

  3. it is heartwrenching. parenting is no easy game but man! there are so many options besides plopping him on a plane!

  4. I always assumed that pre-adoption counseling would be part of the protocol. This is so sad. It sounds as though you've learned quite a bit from your experiences. Thanks for sharing!