BIG NEWS!

Jaeger has had some trouble in the past with taking things that dont belong to him. he also has problems sharing things that DO belong to him (or all of us). anyways some money was missing and everyone thought he took it. except HE DIDNT TAKE IT! he showed us where it was. he KNEW it was there, he KNEW it wasnt his, and HE DIDNT TAKE IT! This is huge! seriously! I told him that he isnt supposed to go in brother's room BUT I am very proud of him for making the right decision to not take the money. later I was talking to Maia about when I was pregnant with her and I said to Ben that even though I didnt grow him in my belly he is very important and I love him very much, and Jaeger wanted to be assured that he too is very important and loved. I assured him. he is really improving in a lot of areas. now if I could just convince three boys not to go straight to attack when someone does something they dont like. constant beatings lately. and Andre got a finger pinched in a door and then the other kid was mad when Andre was hitting him and screaming. he was hurting and didnt have the right words(not to mention he tends to scream when he is hurt not talk). boys.

today dentist for three and one along for the ride because he is so anxious about his own dentist appt next week. want him to see maia and ethan come out with smiles. he tends to go into hysterics about these things. I suppose I could take them all but I dont want to drive the monster and it takes at least a half hour to get everyone loaded in that thing. and then we would just clog up the waiting room. and besides I like taking just some kids sometimes. gives them time away from each other. they live together eat together go to school together(remember I have 4 in one grade and 3 in another so they see each other a lot at school) gives everyone a break. and I wont be home until after dark I do NOT want to drive that monster home in the dark. I like driving the monster in the day though. Eric calls it the estrogenmobile or the rolling ovary. jerk. lol.

Yesterday was a pretty decent day. today has not started out as well. but I guess you cant please everyone.

I made mac and cheese home made in my new roaster and I followed the directions exactly EXCEPT I didnt cook it as long as they said and STILL it was burned around the edges. and kind of dried out. anyone have a recipe for home made mac and cheese for a crowd? Today I think its potato soup. leftover potatos from christmas and chicken broth from the christmas chicken.

Christmas day 2010

Christmas Day

We made it through gifts with a minimum of complaint. Everyone seemed happy and contented with their gifts even though it was less than in previous years for some, and a first for others. But peaceful enough for me to hope that all will be ok with them. Currently the kids are all paired off playing with each other most peacefully, except Sophie who seems to want constant validation for every move she makes. Jaeger and Andre and Ben are playing, Diana and Natasha are downstairs dressed in new clothes. An unlikely duo is Maia and Ethan playing Polly Pockets together. I think sometimes Maia really loves having sisters but misses playing with Ethan. She has never known a time without him they came home so close together. Maia was a mere 8 weeks old when we went to Russia for Ethan. For many years they were best best friends until Sophie and Ben came and Ethan went off to school without her. So I am happy to see the two of them playing alone together. Jaeger just told me that Ben was bleeding and we found Ben in a puddle of blood and dripping out his mouth but not crying and not sure where the wound was. I guess he bit his cheek but I gave him some water and all was better.

As I thanked Jaeger for letting me know about Ben his smile, the real boy, melted my heart. He does that now and again. He has made such great strides since coming home. He was defiant and downright naughty. He stole from us. He hoarded things in his bed and refused to share. We were firm but continued to love him. And of late it seems the conflict with Jaeger is much less. Yes he still pouts now and again but he IS nine. It just isn’t constant whining and pouting over everything. In fact the only time he showed any disappointment this morning was when he realized that there weren’t any batteries for his new toy. Even than was a short lived frown. If I had realized they didn’t have batteries I would have bought them for them. The other night he gave me all his photos of his birth family. Just said here Mama for you. These previously were held in high esteem and no one had better touch them . It seems as though he thought he was waiting for his birth family to come and get him and realises now that we are his family and that the other brothers were not coming for him. I put the photos away as someday he may want to have them. But for now he wants to let that go and work on being an Enberg. I am very happy with his progress lately. He never misses a chance for a hug and never lets me out of the room at night without giving and getting a kiss goodnight. The fistfights are lessening as well. He is really becoming the beautiful boy we knew he could be. He is helpful and likes to help of his own accord(not so much when asked lol) he is sweet with Sophie and helps her eat. All the kids like to help her eat. I want her to feed herself as she IS capable but its so hard to discourage their helpfulness and kindness to her.

I always read other people’s blogs and hear how sweet and loving their kids are. And I see the Duggars with all those kids being kind to one another(probably killing each other off camera. I always think why are MY kids not like that. Why are my kids not loving and kind to one another? Why are they always fighting? I am beginning to see that while other people’s children are sweetness and light they can not ALWAYS be sweetness and light, sometimes they must cry or whine or whack a sib. I am also beginning to see that while mine often whack a sib, often cry, whine and carry on, they DO sometimes act kind and sweet. They DO sometimes do things like show concern for a bleeding sibling, feed Sophie or help her with something she can’t do, play nice together, enjoy life. I begin to notice that they always want to be near Mama. They bring me drawings and give me little gifts of things that were intended for them. And they are insistent that I take them that they truly want me to have their treasured item. So yes my kids are a little rough around the edges, but they are very kind and loving and sweet too. I bet those other blogs just tell the good parts and leave out the barroom brawl that happened because someone took the wrong colored cup at dinner. I am more of a realist. This is what happened, so this is what I write. Good or bad. And my kids are good…..and bad. And I sure do love them.

Gearing up!

getting ready for the big pout!(aka Christmas) There is no way on this green earth that I can make everyone happy. I tried. but I know that someone is going to pout. I dont yet know which one. but someone is going to pout. the wrong color, the wrong style, someone else got more, why didnt I get____? and I have to go to the store still for dinner supplies and my car needs repair and there is a layer of ice over everything. I wanted to go out today and get a few more things as I have nothing for my husband. I guess I will just wrap a big bow around me and I am all he gets. maybe saran wrap like in fried green tomatoes lol. it really sucks living so far from everything. and the kids need gifts for school tomorrow. since when did school become a gift giving occasion? I find it rather annoying that I am constantly asked to supply money for food, supply snack food, and buy things. so I have to come up with 7 under 3 dollar gifts for school tomorrow. and yes I knew last week but I havent BEEN anywhere that I could get them! I live in a rural community. no target here. no kmart. no walmart. Then again what kid wouldnt want a bag of candy, the grocery store has candy. I am sure I will screw that up too. It seems I can never do right of late. someone is always mad at me or sulking or refusing to eat what I cook. one sulks and takes it out on the others, never direcing her anger to me. one will out and out ask why didnt you do this or that like I wanted? one will stomp off to his room and slam the door. one will cry like a baby as if he has been terribly wronged. so yes I am preparing for Christmas, the sulkiest day of the year!

adventures from Philly

sitting in Temple University Hospital Pharmacy with a grumpy still somewhat dopey Sophie waiting a good half an hour for meds. A very large woman of color came in. She sat down in Sophie's line of site. Being the social butterfly she is Sophie says "hi". the lady smiled and said hi. usually "I'm Sophie" follows hi. but not this time. did she notice the woman's skin? we dont have a lot of variety in Isle. I try to teach the kids that people are the same inside, and people with brown skin are just like they are except they have brown skin. they have feelings and bones and families and in every aspect they are people like you. not everyone has brown eyes or blue eyes, and not everyone has pink skin. as I prepare myself to talk to her with all eyes on me when she says something about the woman's skin tone, she instead said "you sure have a big tummy!" the lady just said yeah. then Sophie went on to ask "why you have a big tummy?" I chastised her at that. gently but firmly told her that isnt nice. people dont like to talk about that. her response? "I didnt say that!" lol thanks pain meds. my kid is talkin out her ear with no clue what she says.

On the way home I am sure that everyone was thinking oh man those kids are on MY flight? sophie was screaming and crying at Ben. his crime? his toes touched her toes. Both their feet are extremely turned out right now, presumably to get a bit of OVERcorrection to allow for a bit of relapse and still be in a normal position when done. so he coudlnt help it when his toes were touching hers. back up awhile from the toes and she kept putting her head in bens face and her staticky hair would go up his nose and he didnt like that. she absolutely downright REFUSED to move. I moved her and she fought me on it. I was about to take her out and put her on the floor. anyways the moral of the story is DONT TOUCH SOPHIE, but be prepared because she can touch you all she wants. lol

the only real travel experience Sophie and Ben have had revolves around doctors. so we are happily settled in our seats flying home to Minneapolis. Except now they just announced we will be turning around and returning to Philly. I told the kids we were going back to Philly. the airport in minneapolis was closed. the only option is to go back. Ben is a go with the flow kind of guy. but Sophie was panicked. back to philly? back to the doctor? I had a heck of a time convincing her that there would be NO DOCTOR. I finally was able to get her to understand when I told her that it was saturday and doctors dont work on saturdays. I was waiting for her to realise that her own DR Daddy works on saturdays all the time.

on a plane

and the lady is giving the speech about how a mask will fall and oxygen will flow. meanwhile Ben is giving birth to a beaver. yes. I am certain that isnt something she sees every day. I thought she would crack up laughing but only smiled.

we are in the plane, right now, on the way to minneapolis. free wifi. and guess what they just announced? we are turning back to philly. we cant go on to minneapolis. the flight after us is cancelled so I guess I dont know what will happen or where we will be or for how long. Becky Ill be calling when I know something! we might get the chance to have that party afterall!

this is for becky

you guys SO rock! SO SO SO HAPPY TO KNWO YOU!! if you find yourself in MN my door is always open(and my phone too!)in fact if you find yourself in MN you BETTER find yourself on my doorstep! and did you know I very nearly named my daughter becky 14 years ago?

another trip to philly!!

I am bored. I am at Camden Ronald McDonald House. The internet doesn’t seem to work. The clock says its 68:88 and nothing I can do changes it. We have surgery 6am. I have to call a cab to leave here at 5am to get there in time. We were downstairs where the people are but Sophie wanted to go to the bathroom and had a belly ache. Seems to have recovered and is playing with Ben. I had a great visit with my friends Becky and Sammi. Sweet Sammi sewed a little special present for each of the kids. And then brought us treats because they wouldn’t see us again before Christmas. Sami is a skater and a budding actress! And cute as a button too. Thanks Becky and Sammi we really look forward to seeing you when we come to town. Becky I love our chats. We never seem to lack for something to talk about do we?

today was a better day

He was in a better mood today but still had a bit of trouble getting along. He is a different kid when his dad is here. Eric was on call yesterday. Today he was home all day and walked up to the store with a couple kids to buy milk. We spent the day online looking at stuff and talking about stuff. the kids watched dudley doright....twice. We had breakfast for dinner.

the girls have been telling me stories about their previous lives. Andre, not to be left out tells me stories of his except I am pretty sure they are made up. the girls tell me how they got this scar or that scar. Andre told me his grandfather came to visit him and he gave him a hug when Andre told him he was going to America. we were told no one ever visited him. The other kids confirmed that no one visited him. he is 7 now and has been in care for many years. knowing he has been there long, and hearing the tales the others tell me of time with their birth families, I am constantly amazed that they are the way they are. hats off to pryluky detsky dom because they must be doing SOMETHING right for these kids to be this well off emotionally. I dont think any kid should be in a detsky dom but if you gotta be in one I think the Mamas really care about the kids at pryluky. While I may not agree with everythign they do there, our kids seem to have come out ok.

tomorrow I have to take Jaeger to dentist and Chrysta to orthodontist. I hope they arent going to pull more of Jae's teeth tomorrow. he cries when they do that and I feel so bad putting him through it. but this SHOULD be the last visit for all this work then it will be maintenence. I think I will stop at barnes and noble and buy a date book when I am out. I need one for the new year. I have a lot of appointments to keep track of!

drained,

my energy is drained. sapped. gone. the hatred spewed from the mouth of an 8 year old child every single day of my life has completely exhausted me. The mean and nastiness of this child doesnt wane. The constant power struggle. every single interaction is a downward spiral. the other kids look at him as if he is nuts. he can not do ANYTHING I ask, or tell. he cant even play outside for half hour. if he DOES play out he is just out there destroying something. this kid is hell on wheels. he is medicated. it isnt enough. I took him to counseling and was told to medicate him for adhd. I did. it doesnt help. and at school he has very few problems. once or twice this year he has gotten into a little trouble but not enough to get a note home or a call. why is he an angel at school and a real jerk at home? life here is so unpleasant that I am ready to run away with the circus. the circus probably would be more normal than this life is with this particular little monster. Currently he is standing outside the window screaming at me that he wants to come in. he is fully dressed for winter, snow pants hat mittens boots jacket and has been out in above zero weather for less than half hour. and I am the bad guy for making him play. WHY? he says when I say go play. is that not the child's job? to play? he threw things at the window to show his displeasure with being outside. he pounded on the window, even though his dad gave him what for last time he did that. he doesnt get the message. he is angry and loud and mean and I dont very much like him at the moment. It doesnt help much that my husband works every weekend and every day until late. so there isnt much in the way of help. I tried going out for a bit yesterday and returned to find that the boys had been quite rotton and Chrysta had the scars to prove it. Sometimes I feel bad that I ruined my other child's life bringing this one home. he doesnt sleep. he creeps about eating candy and whatever he can find and generally making messes. he wakes the other boys. this wakes ME. so I dont sleep either. this makes everything worse. even on medication he is up every night. I dont know what else to do with this kid. everything else is magnified x10 when I have to deal with this shit all the time.

wow!

santa showed up at my house today! he was dressed as the FedEx guy but I know it was Santa because he brought me a NESCO PROFESSIONAQL 18 QT Roaster Oven! yay! I will try it out tomorrow! Thanks Santa!!!