Saturday, December 4, 2010
my energy is drained. sapped. gone. the hatred spewed from the mouth of an 8 year old child every single day of my life has completely exhausted me. The mean and nastiness of this child doesnt wane. The constant power struggle. every single interaction is a downward spiral. the other kids look at him as if he is nuts. he can not do ANYTHING I ask, or tell. he cant even play outside for half hour. if he DOES play out he is just out there destroying something. this kid is hell on wheels. he is medicated. it isnt enough. I took him to counseling and was told to medicate him for adhd. I did. it doesnt help. and at school he has very few problems. once or twice this year he has gotten into a little trouble but not enough to get a note home or a call. why is he an angel at school and a real jerk at home? life here is so unpleasant that I am ready to run away with the circus. the circus probably would be more normal than this life is with this particular little monster. Currently he is standing outside the window screaming at me that he wants to come in. he is fully dressed for winter, snow pants hat mittens boots jacket and has been out in above zero weather for less than half hour. and I am the bad guy for making him play. WHY? he says when I say go play. is that not the child's job? to play? he threw things at the window to show his displeasure with being outside. he pounded on the window, even though his dad gave him what for last time he did that. he doesnt get the message. he is angry and loud and mean and I dont very much like him at the moment. It doesnt help much that my husband works every weekend and every day until late. so there isnt much in the way of help. I tried going out for a bit yesterday and returned to find that the boys had been quite rotton and Chrysta had the scars to prove it. Sometimes I feel bad that I ruined my other child's life bringing this one home. he doesnt sleep. he creeps about eating candy and whatever he can find and generally making messes. he wakes the other boys. this wakes ME. so I dont sleep either. this makes everything worse. even on medication he is up every night. I dont know what else to do with this kid. everything else is magnified x10 when I have to deal with this shit all the time.
at 11:55 AM