trip to philly and home again

ben's poor feet

Ben's feet are not doing well. Darn AMC is winning! and with the sores on his feet that makes it easier for the AMC to win. Doctor in Philly on Friday. quite possible he comes home in plaster. again.

Lookout world! here comes SOPHIE!

she climbed the stairs (all 13 of them) by herself twice this weekend. it was incredible. she is so motivated! it was hard hard work and really rather awkward but she insisted and she DID IT!

AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!

Tearing my hair out! going crazy! running screaming in the streets! this whole move thing is making me crazy! Andre thinks we will leave him behind when we move so he pushes me away and says I wanna go back to Ukraine every time he hears something he doesnt like. Ben sobbed his heart out because he didnt know if he would come along when we move, and probably somewhat because he will have to leave his special aide. Chrysta keeps asking what color she can paint her room and will she have to share a room and I dont even HAVE a room to tell her about. The girls and the boys are concerned with their toys and the pets coming along. and Mama is concerned with FINDING A PLACE TO LIVE! Eric and I have made about 6 trips to town to look. all came up empty. nothing new is coming on the market much. There is not a lot that is what we want where we want for a price we want. There just isnt. I guess I ought to put my parents on notice that we will be putting our tent up in their backyard! What I like Eric doesnt. or we both like it but its too much $$ and too far away. Building sounds like a rather expensive venture. the whole thing is maddening.
Sophie and I are going to go take a walk in the sunshine. maybe I will feel better after that. or maybe it will take Chrysta's yummy chocolate eauclaire cake to make me feel better. or the perfect house at the perfect price in the perfect location

end of the peace

Ethan and Jaeger had been getting along really well. playing all the time. Ethan had been personable and kind even. but we are back to snotty snarky mean and nasty Ethan and he just punched Jaeger in the face because he was following him around outside. It isnt because he isnt getting enough sleep because he went to bed at 8 last night and was asleep by 9 sleeping right through to 6. Ben hasnt been crying the last couple days so he has plenty of sleep. and of course dad is working on call tonight so I am it. I am the target. and boy can he spew some nastiness. probably having a growth spurt and time to adjust his meds but of course cant go too high or causes depression and its the ONLY one that worked thus far. who knows what goes through his head.

next week off to philly where Ben will most likely return in plaster. again.

no news on the house front.

do without?

I look around at all the stuff we have accumulated and as we consider living in a new home it occurs to me that we have TOO MUCH STUFF! that perhaps we could live in less space if we had less stuff? but what do you choose to let go of? the piano? no way! the couch? (sure no problem but we gotta sit somewhere....) the dining table? the bookshelves and all the books? we LOVE books! It pains me to get rid of them! beds? clothes? dressers? no we cant really do that. its the random useless junk that we have to get rid of. it tends to multiply when it isnt looked after and it tends to lend itself to chaos when everything has a "potential" use. It really needs to have a specific use. I really cleaned out my kitchen cabinets and saved only the things I use a lot. I cook for many people so out went the small mixing bowls and other things for cooking for only a few. I think that there is probably a lot of junk that could go but for the life of me I cant seem to get rid of it, or find it, or "get started" most days. This must be how hoarders start!!

to build or not to build

Eric wants to build a house. I want to buy. at any rate we are not finding either a house OR a property. Tomorrow we go back to look some more. some land and one house. we have pretty much seen everything that suits us in the way of houses. Until the market opens up with spring we dont have much we havent already seen, either on paper or in person. building a house makes me terrified. Years ago we talked about it. before we had a dozen kids. for some reason it wasnt scary then. I dont like the styles he likes and vice verse. I am NOT spatially oriented and it is hard for me to visualise a concept. which is why I like seeing houses in person not on paper. I need to see it feel it smell it hear it be surrounded by it before I can fully grasp the shape the space the square footage. I am afraid that we will end up in a house that I hate for the rest of our lives. and based on my inability to put a blue print into a picture that is entirely possible. He always asks me what I need so it isnt that I wouldnt have any input. I know that pretty much anything I asked for in a house would be fine(and really I dont demand much, a dishwasher...or two, and a nice bathtub. I currently have neither)I am not interested in granite everything highest end everything. but I do want to love my house. I want to love living there. I want it to work for me as much as I work for it. THIS house that we live in now, does not work for me. it wasnt too bad when there were only a couple kids but now with more kids it just doesnt work. there is no entry way. no place for coats and boots. no storage for backpacks. the kitchen is small and cluttered because things that have no home(because there isnt enough room for them to HAVE a home) are on the counters thus making cooking dinner a nightly battle. and I always have at least 2-3 kids who want to help and there really just is no space for that! the living room is too small but the family room is too far away. On so many levels it just doesnt work for me. keeping it clean is difficult at best. so I need a house that has enough bedrooms, has a space for MY stuff so I can sew and scrap and do whatever without having to worry that my stuff will walk away with a child OR have to put it all away after an hour or two. I need storage and lots of it. I need ADA bathroom and mainfloor bedroom for my girl friday. I need a kitchen that makes me long to cook(I used to hate cooking. I dont mind it anymore but I might be tempted to try something new if I had some space to do it in)and that elusive bathtub. all of that needs to fit in a house that isnt too big or too small. that has good resale value. that isnt too expensive. that is designed to be solar/self efficient. That is surrounded by trees and land for the running of children and pets. room for chickens. room for greenhouses and gardening. Room for a covered porch. all of this in one house. so far we have come up with nothing and may well be still living in THIS house next year while Eric goes off to his new job in our new city.