a weeks time

I have been home a week now. the days are getting longer. I am getting stronger. I am feeling better. Next week I have a CT to check on the abcess and also apppointments with surgeon and infectious disease doc. Hopefully the surgeon will deem me fit for removal of drain. it is a drain on my soul, the quality of my life. I did my infuzion every day. its annoying but I get it done. it is making all the difference. I feel so much better. Weak and tired. but not so much in pain or agony or feeling sick.
I decided we needed a water purifier. our new well is no where near as good as the old one! so I took myself to target. I was EXHAUSTED when I got back. but I did it! I got a water purifier. and then I got a nap. to think I used to walk all over the store and walk to my car at the end of the lot. today I could barely walk from handicapped parking to water purifier and back again. I am also losing weight like crazy. Down to 161! and I have a WAIST! I dont recall having a waist any time in the recent past. I am excited to see 150s. This isnt the way I planned to lose weight. but really I am doing it right, I eat less(not hungry, limited diet plan, and smaller stomach able to hold less) and I am so weak that every trip upstairs or down is a workout. not to mention antibiotic diahrrea. all of it adds up to weight loss. 20 down! 30 to go! I cant eat a lot of stuff I used to. pizza soda mac n cheese. anything high fat! that means I cant eat all the stuff that made me fat in the first place. Ill miss those things but once in awhile I could have a small amount(AFTER I am long better and not risking another pancreatic attack.) I just cant live on it. I gotta find a new way of life. one that includes low fat/no fat. fruits and veggies. so anyways I am getting better. definitely stronger, and in a better frame of mind.

struggling

with why did all this happen? how am I supposed to get through this? I am home now. doing my infuzion. saying to myself every day will get better and before you know it standing long enough to make a bowl of cream of wheat will no longer even register as a question. it will just happen and afterwards I will say WOW! Poor Eric is picking up slack all over the place. my parents are doing what they can. taking care of Sophie isnt easy for them. but they do it because I cant. Im grateful. Im sad that I cant but I cant. Im at a loss as to where to go for help. There is nowhere to go. Ins wont pay for an aide. we could probably qualify for tefra and get one that way but by the time I got through the hurdles Im not sure it would be worth the effort. or SSI and MA by way of. but again by the time I jump every hurdle it will be so long it wont have been worth it. I think I am going to have to cancel sophie's pt/ot eval that has been on the books for months. impossible to get into. I cant pick her up. blah. just get all this over with. im sick of it already, as I imagine is my husband, my hero, who plays mommy and daddy for weeks on end.

well that was a short homecoming. I am back in the saddle again! and I have many of my "people" are here! I have a lot of people here now! they stop in to see me daily. My family practice doc comes also! so every day I hear from FP,GI, ID, and interventional radiologist, and of course the surgeon! just peachy!

I am home!

been home a couple days. almost feeling normal today except a lingering pain in my side which I have no idea where it is coming from. and of course the bitter taste in the back of my mouth from the bitter NASTY pills I have to take. I am having a hard time even keeping them in long enough to do any good! thats how nasty they are. I think I hit on something by taking it with yogurt. last night I tried banana and threw up almost immediately. couldnt even put the med bottle down and I was running for the throne. up they all came. These are some nasty little pills. I cant understand why if they are SO BAD they cant put some sort of coating on it! make life a little kinder for those who have to take it!!!

tough times

still at the hospital. I am sick all the time I cant eat. I can barely drink anyrhin. and now tomorrow I have to go back to surgery to take the stint out of my pancreas that was supposed to come out on is own. hopefully that solves many problems. I am so sick. nauseas. I cant walk, I cant sit, I cant read or facebook or computer all I can do is lay here in misery.

back in hospital

fun times. NOT! nurses are not very attentive. last night I was in severe pain and called twice but no one told my nurse. she just happened to see my light on and stopped to see what I needed. by this time I was in tears and pain was off the charts. Today I am waiting for someone to come help me get everything together(cord,iv,foly) so I can move about a bit. no one has come. its been an hour so I guess they arent coming. Dr was just here and I told him how dehydrated I was. so hopefullly thAT gets figured out. said they need more blood also.