Life

It is my own fault, but I am tired out. Tired of cooking, setting and serving, and cleaning up while they all disappear. Tired of doing laundry that ends up on the floor, or that will sit in baskets until I find the time to fold them(at which point they end up back on the floor) I am tired of the demands. and the one who needs the most care demands it. most of the others demand what they want also. my own fault. but this too shall pass. and it is going to pass in a hurry. I am one. they are ten. I am mother, not servant. You do not order me, it is I who should order you. I dont generally order. I ask nicely. its how I am. but mostly no one hears. so starting today things change. there will be please and thank you. there will be clearing of the table. there will be helping out around the house. I tried a chore box where they pick chores but they only wanted to do certain ones not other ones and then they wanted to do it over and over again. well you know, the bathroom sink doesnt need to be cleaned 15 times in one day while the laundry waits for a week. I even implemented a cash system based on stickers. each chore is worth a sticker. the stickers later translate to cash. but only when you want something. I dont give cash because we have theives in the house. I dont mind the stickers and cash part. but the how we decide what needs doing part needs some work. there was a chore chart that changed daily but that has since disappeared. I dont know quite HOW I will do it but I WILL DO IT. it has to be easier to train them all to help out than it is to do it all myself. someone suggested letting them do their own laundry. well I dont trust my boys to use my fancy expensive washing machine. they cant even take good care of their OWN stuff. they can however keep their clothes put away and or in the laundry room. they can take the clean clothes and fold them. Natasha knows how to do laundry and Chrysta. they need to step in and do more of it. Chrysta and Cody have traditionally done the dishes at night but there needs to be more help with that too. I need to find a system that works. and make it stick. I am tired of taking care of things other people are fully capable of doing. Most of them CANT take care of Sophie, so they need to do some of the other things so that I am not so wiped out taking care of her.

Sophie is another thing on my mind. she is not walking. no where near. I really thought she would be walking by now. it is hard to have to take her to the bathroom all the time. most kids take themselves at this age. and even as toddlers learning they do MOST of the work, you just tell them when. With Sophie she announces she has to go(but is working on learning to ask someone to take her not just say I HAVE TO GO)then she needs to physically be taken to the bathroom, lifted, pants down, set on toilet, clean her, lift her, pants up, wash hands, put her back down to play and move on. this gets to be a lot when you are the only one doing it. occasionally Eric or Chrysta or Cody will take her but mostly its me. she goes in the morning, after lunch, after nap, before dinner, after dinner,(sometimes after dinner IS just before bed) before bed. we have no date for her first surgery. and no clue as to when or if there will be further surgeries. I suppose once we get to the new house we can use her chair more and that will help a little. but she needs so much help and I get tired doing it all. she cant bring herself to table for lunch or dinner. she cant get out of bed. she cant dress or undress. she cant toilet herself. she cant shower herself.or put on/take off AFOs and/or shoes. getting anything done with her is impossible because she cant sit in cart, and I cant get anything I need if she is in stroller or wheelchair. putting her in, taking her out, getting out some sort of wheels for her and putting her back in and putting wheels away takes longer than the drive to get there. we do walk sometimes but its been rainy and cold. she is very cute. very sweet. and she doesnt want to be a burden but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed at the amount of needs she has. I would actually prefer diapers so I could eliminate the bathroom demands and change her on my schedule but she is fully trained. Oh I know she has come SO FAR. she has learned to roll over, sit up, kneel, stand, crawl, do stairs, feed self, play independently. I think those things are awesome. but sometimes it gets to be a lot when you think of all the things she doesnt do. and there is no help. I am looking forward to her going to kindergarten so someone else can take care of her needs for awhile each day. but thats months away so I better buck up and get used to it.