This blog is about our adventures as a large family. We have fourteen kids in our family. Not every one lives at home. Sometimes life is easy and sometimes its weary to the bone hard.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
drained,
my energy is drained. sapped. gone. the hatred spewed from the mouth of an 8 year old child every single day of my life has completely exhausted me. The mean and nastiness of this child doesnt wane. The constant power struggle. every single interaction is a downward spiral. the other kids look at him as if he is nuts. he can not do ANYTHING I ask, or tell. he cant even play outside for half hour. if he DOES play out he is just out there destroying something. this kid is hell on wheels. he is medicated. it isnt enough. I took him to counseling and was told to medicate him for adhd. I did. it doesnt help. and at school he has very few problems. once or twice this year he has gotten into a little trouble but not enough to get a note home or a call. why is he an angel at school and a real jerk at home? life here is so unpleasant that I am ready to run away with the circus. the circus probably would be more normal than this life is with this particular little monster. Currently he is standing outside the window screaming at me that he wants to come in. he is fully dressed for winter, snow pants hat mittens boots jacket and has been out in above zero weather for less than half hour. and I am the bad guy for making him play. WHY? he says when I say go play. is that not the child's job? to play? he threw things at the window to show his displeasure with being outside. he pounded on the window, even though his dad gave him what for last time he did that. he doesnt get the message. he is angry and loud and mean and I dont very much like him at the moment. It doesnt help much that my husband works every weekend and every day until late. so there isnt much in the way of help. I tried going out for a bit yesterday and returned to find that the boys had been quite rotton and Chrysta had the scars to prove it. Sometimes I feel bad that I ruined my other child's life bringing this one home. he doesnt sleep. he creeps about eating candy and whatever he can find and generally making messes. he wakes the other boys. this wakes ME. so I dont sleep either. this makes everything worse. even on medication he is up every night. I dont know what else to do with this kid. everything else is magnified x10 when I have to deal with this shit all the time.
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Im so sorry. I can hear the frustration in your writing. I wish I had some grand advice but I don't. Just know I will be thinking of you today and praying for some peace to come upon you and your home. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteWe have a 10 year old like this. I was glad to read your post simply to hear that we are not alone. How one child can cause so much disruption within a family is unbelievable unless you have walked the same walk. You're right - no one outside the home even sees this behavior because it is only the family closeness inside the home that the child feels he has to control and manipulate. It is really sad because it is the early years of the child's life that made him this way, BUT it is still draining and discouraging to have to deal with it day after day after day....I have no words of advice, but lots of empathy.
ReplyDeleteHugs from another frustrated Mother
I attended a conference recently where RAD was discussed. The anger a child feels at an early rejection, projected on everyone and everything around them. Can you get some counselling for this child? He has a need to feel loved and secure, but in his present state he will reject any and all approaches from his family, and particularly from you. It is nearly impossible to love a child with this disorder; he needs help, and so do you - I feel your pain and frustration, the questioning of your decisions and the impact that this has had on everyone else. I do hope and pray that you can get the help you all need, as well as the understanding from those around you. Of all your children, he is probably the most needy, but the hardest to love. I pray for a change in his heart, and for the strength for you to pursue the course you have chosen. Do not doubt yourself and your love. Look at what has been accomplished with your other children! Seek out a professional who will be able to help, and acknowledge that this is not your fault. Many people feel that just bringing a child into a caring environment will bring a change - unfortunately, as you know, damage done is hard to remedy. Some children are more resiliant than others, and can make the transition without trauma. Others, like this little one, can only use his anger to retaliate. I will pray for you all, and you will be in my thoughts each day. God bless.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Rubypat that this sounds like RAD. We are also dealing with this. We tried counseling before, but it didn't help at all. Now we are working with a counselor who specializes in RAD and that has made a huge difference. It is still a struggle, but there are glimmers of hope now and even whole stretches of good days.
ReplyDeleteI have a 12 year old from Ukraine who exibits some of this behavior as well, although not as extreme. I feel for you, ours is such an angel outside of the house that people think it is me. It is so frustrating. I'm praying for you and him. Cara
ReplyDeletethanks all. cara that is so right. its all me. no one sees anything and therefore I must be the one at fault.
ReplyDeletePraying for you - this is tough! Have a look at http://www.beyondconsequences.com/ - there may be some tools there that you could use.
ReplyDelete