This blog is about our adventures as a large family. We have fourteen kids in our family. Not every one lives at home. Sometimes life is easy and sometimes its weary to the bone hard.
Friday, October 23, 2015
my life is very lonely
I have kids with behavior problems and brain problems. They don't have friends. neither do I. I deal with all of this singlehandedly. we have no outside help. my husband works long hours. his career is demanding. winter is coming and with it comes my seasonal depression. when im down or at wits end or just want someone to talk to theres really no one I can call. I work really hard to maintain my everything is fine face. everything is not fine. its hell many days. the boys are the hardest but the girls can be pretty snarky and nasty too. one hasnt spoken to me in two days and avoids me. because i scolded her for complaining constantly about the food provided. she isnt new. in fact i get a lot of feedback about everything I do lately. I plan do do less of it. of anything. of everything. I wish I had some where to get away. I don't. It never ends. when they are at school I cant find the energy to do much of anything and theres nothing to do anyways that doesn't include spending money. Im out of furniture and paint. The fridge is looking pretty barren. but I lack the energy to go grocery shopping. I would just buy the wrong thing anyways. it isnt like theres no food. its just that theres no convenience food. and since I generally shop to a menu its very hard to find some things to put together to make dinner especially since again it wont be good enough. I have zero energy. and kids who suck the life out of you. not a good combo. tv only depresses me more because it's all about relationships and drives home how I have only Eric and dysfunctional kids. I have put everyone elses needs first for so long i don't even know what I need or want. I just know it isn't this.
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I'm sorry you're in such a tough place. I take meds for depression and I don't know what I'd do if I hadn't found the combo that works for me. Please know that you're right about having greater than average challenges to deal with on a daily basis, and you probably do get more negative feedback than most, but that doesn't mean you suck or that your efforts aren't worthwhile, even if it feels that way at the moment. It just means it is what it is.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you have no support from your husband? Maybe I'm wrong but reading this it sounds like you are more than alone,that he is not backing you up, so you are totally alone. My husband does not help me much, but he lightens my load, he buys the groceries and I order a lot on line. We buy bulk from azurestandard.com monthly. Amazon Prime is a life saver! :o) We don't eat processed foods, my teens love water! LOL! But I have adult grown children (ages 20-40) who criticize us constantly to the point of ridicule. But we are happy. There is great JOY here. I am never lonely, I am never alone, I have God. :o) Only god can fill that empty lonely place in our hearts. :o)
ReplyDelete((((((((HUGS))))))))) and prayers
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ReplyDeletemy post will not deliver packages so id still have to go to post office to pick up. might as well go to grocery store. ten kids all in or heading into puberty is no fun. and they are so dang lazy. some is typical teen problems and some is brain damage and some is combo. i am stay at home mom. husband works. that means hes just not here as much. and works weekend too once or twice a month. hes fed up too.
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