This blog is about our adventures as a large family. We have fourteen kids in our family. Not every one lives at home. Sometimes life is easy and sometimes its weary to the bone hard.
Saturday, October 31, 2015
mourning dreams
today im mourning dreams. dreams of a life where the children dont try to kill each other on a daily basis. dreams where i can decorate bedrooms, or even put clothes away and expect it to stay decorated and clothes away instead of destroyed. dreams where i can own things and kerp them in the most convenient place instead of having it stolen or have to hide it and cant use it when i need to. dreams where things stay in the condition and location i leave them. dreams where I have time for me with no mom guilt. dreams where a clean house stays clean longer than five minutes. dreams long gone. I love the kids but every now and then I mourn those dreams.
Monday, October 26, 2015
weekend
Saturday I spent shopping for a birthday present for Ben and snacks for the week and groceries for the next two weeks. Eric and I managed to sneak out for dinner Saturday night but when you have to come home and clean up everyone else's dinner mess it kind of takes something away from the joy of going out. Might as well stay home. We had cake and presents with Ben. He was happy. He is little big Ben now. He is still tiny, the size of a five year old approximately. But now he is 12! so he is little big Ben.
Sunday was a yearly farm chore that I am glad is over! Chicken butchering! We usually have cornish rock cross and they are huge. but they are stupid. We lost so many trying to let them forage/free range. One died not two feet from the door back into the pen. He couldn't find his way back. They are bred to sit and eat and grow. thats it. they do this well but they end up covered in poop and we had some water drainage issues (now resolved) that they would just sit in the muck or get stuck in the muck and I would pull them out getting covered in chicken poop in the process while they flap wings only for them to go right back to same spot. So this year we tried a different breed. Dixie rainbows. They are mean! and also not smart. and most importantly NOT BIG! so we butchered half as many as usual because there wasn't much sense in butchering such tiny hens, they can grow and lay me some eggs instead.we put up all the roosters and a few of the hens so we are left with about 20 hens, along with the 20 I already had laying I should be good in the egg department as soon as these new ones start laying. Since the old 20 had been free ranging and laying their eggs all over the place we were having a shortage of eggs since we couldn't find them. They are now penned again. So happy egg city. and next year we will definitely be raising the cornish rock cross again. We will not have nearly as many chicken meals this winter as we did last year. 3 or 4 chicken breasts of these small birds are nowhere near ONE breast of the cornish.
Sophie got to do something really exciting on saturday. She went to her friends house! This is a rare thing for her. Most people aren't willing or able to help her but this just worked out perfectly. Her little friend Reena is in her class at school and they talk on the phone every day. for hours if I let them. We found out her friend and she have a lot more in common than we had realized. their house is all one level so no issues there. and her mom was more than willing to deal with Sophie's disability. She doesn't need a lot but she needs help on stairs and in the bathroom. She is so excited to play there again another day or have her friend here. She stayed there five hours and didn't want to go when I picked her up!
Today is monday. Back to school. and it truly WAS monday. jackets were missing. shoes were missing. kids were running late. dogs ran out and wouldn't come in. peacefully sititng by the fire now and planning my day. Time to get moving I guess.
Sunday was a yearly farm chore that I am glad is over! Chicken butchering! We usually have cornish rock cross and they are huge. but they are stupid. We lost so many trying to let them forage/free range. One died not two feet from the door back into the pen. He couldn't find his way back. They are bred to sit and eat and grow. thats it. they do this well but they end up covered in poop and we had some water drainage issues (now resolved) that they would just sit in the muck or get stuck in the muck and I would pull them out getting covered in chicken poop in the process while they flap wings only for them to go right back to same spot. So this year we tried a different breed. Dixie rainbows. They are mean! and also not smart. and most importantly NOT BIG! so we butchered half as many as usual because there wasn't much sense in butchering such tiny hens, they can grow and lay me some eggs instead.we put up all the roosters and a few of the hens so we are left with about 20 hens, along with the 20 I already had laying I should be good in the egg department as soon as these new ones start laying. Since the old 20 had been free ranging and laying their eggs all over the place we were having a shortage of eggs since we couldn't find them. They are now penned again. So happy egg city. and next year we will definitely be raising the cornish rock cross again. We will not have nearly as many chicken meals this winter as we did last year. 3 or 4 chicken breasts of these small birds are nowhere near ONE breast of the cornish.
Sophie got to do something really exciting on saturday. She went to her friends house! This is a rare thing for her. Most people aren't willing or able to help her but this just worked out perfectly. Her little friend Reena is in her class at school and they talk on the phone every day. for hours if I let them. We found out her friend and she have a lot more in common than we had realized. their house is all one level so no issues there. and her mom was more than willing to deal with Sophie's disability. She doesn't need a lot but she needs help on stairs and in the bathroom. She is so excited to play there again another day or have her friend here. She stayed there five hours and didn't want to go when I picked her up!
Today is monday. Back to school. and it truly WAS monday. jackets were missing. shoes were missing. kids were running late. dogs ran out and wouldn't come in. peacefully sititng by the fire now and planning my day. Time to get moving I guess.
Friday, October 23, 2015
my life is very lonely
I have kids with behavior problems and brain problems. They don't have friends. neither do I. I deal with all of this singlehandedly. we have no outside help. my husband works long hours. his career is demanding. winter is coming and with it comes my seasonal depression. when im down or at wits end or just want someone to talk to theres really no one I can call. I work really hard to maintain my everything is fine face. everything is not fine. its hell many days. the boys are the hardest but the girls can be pretty snarky and nasty too. one hasnt spoken to me in two days and avoids me. because i scolded her for complaining constantly about the food provided. she isnt new. in fact i get a lot of feedback about everything I do lately. I plan do do less of it. of anything. of everything. I wish I had some where to get away. I don't. It never ends. when they are at school I cant find the energy to do much of anything and theres nothing to do anyways that doesn't include spending money. Im out of furniture and paint. The fridge is looking pretty barren. but I lack the energy to go grocery shopping. I would just buy the wrong thing anyways. it isnt like theres no food. its just that theres no convenience food. and since I generally shop to a menu its very hard to find some things to put together to make dinner especially since again it wont be good enough. I have zero energy. and kids who suck the life out of you. not a good combo. tv only depresses me more because it's all about relationships and drives home how I have only Eric and dysfunctional kids. I have put everyone elses needs first for so long i don't even know what I need or want. I just know it isn't this.
Thursday, October 22, 2015
its pretty depressing
when all the people you thought were your friends don't even notice you're gone.
My other blog
thislittlesuitcase.blogspot.com is where I will share what donation project I am working on to help people.
what I have been doing
Now I am searching high and low for cheap/free decent quality furniture I can redo. Next up is a nightstand for me which means the current nigh table can be redone for someone else.
Monday, October 19, 2015
Growing up
The kids are growing up. Some wise person once told me that the years go fast but the days go slow. Cody is now 21. He is legal to do about anything at this point. Unfortunately he doesn't do much. He rarely comes out of his room. He has tried finding a job to no avail. He had trouble with school and is on academic suspension(which I don't understand. If I want to throw money at the school for classes what business is it of theirs if hes passing or not passing. It's MY MONEY! he got absolutely no financial aid) He has since been diagnosed as autistic. We have known for years but no one would ever say it. I have tried getting a diagnosis since he was six years old. so now we have a 21 year old hermit. He does help me around the farm and with kids though.
Chrysta is almost 19. She is at school at Normandale, paying her own way, living at her dads. She was home for a visit this weekend. It was so great to hug her and have her here. She was only here a short time but spent most of it with her sisters and a little with me. There wasn't much fighting. That's always good. She is finally growing up a little. Although when it comes to Cody she still argues like crazy.
Jaeger is 13, 14 in December! Yikes! He has been a roller coaster. He spent some time in a group over the summer to learn to handle his anger and deal with situations that are frustrating. He seemed to do really well when he first finished the program but that has worn off and its been a difficult couple of months. The last several days he seems to be calm rational and even caring(although getting up for school is difficult. but most teens are that way) His bestest friend moved nearby and he can ride his bike over there and often does. He and Ethan have the most animosity. its a constant battle between the two. Jaeger has a way of only doing things out of sight so he can deny it and Ethan has a bit of paranoia and claims everything Jaeger does is against him. Mostly I try to keep them apart to avoid a fist fight. Lately I have started talking to Jaeger about how HE has to walk away because Ethan cant. Sometimes Jaeg walks away now. progress!! He is learning to play the sax at school where he is in sixth grade. He has had a few run ins with disciplinarian there but after I assured Mr. S. I wanted to hear EVERYTHING he did I havent heard too much. Hoping that means he is behaving and not that he just isnt getting caught.
Natasha is 13. She is beautiful and smart and usually kind. She is in sixth grade also. She is playing flute. She also plays a bit of piano. She has her moments as all kids do but she is really a sweet girl and I love her to death. She helps me a lot. This year Natasha was chosen to run cross country with the varsity and junior varsity cross country team. She started out coming in at 18th place and ended the year coming in 3rd! And she shaved 2 minutes off her time running the mile. She is very much a dream child, as well as a straight A student. She has big dreams and she isnt afraid to go get them.
Ethan is also 13. He too is in sixth grade. He struggles a bit more academically due to his fasd. He also went to the program Jaeger went to and it didnt help him one bit. not even a little. I wont lie he is a difficult kid to live with. He has many behaviors that are difficult to deal with. His very much lives in his primal brain. Life is fight or flight and it is NEVER EVER flight. A mere suggestion can set him off. He can be very mean to his brothers. As much as he feels Jaeger is out to get him he is mean to Ben without a second thought. Most interactions with Ethan are negative. There is not a single day without yelling. He is never responsible for anything that happens. its always my fault, or our fault, or someone elses fault. If he can't find his shoes, its because someone took them, not because he left them out by the trampoline. He is improving at math and can read a real chapter book now, although he still prefers garfield or calvin and hobbes. I dont know what his future will hold. I hope I live to see it.
Diana is 12. She is giggly and silly and FUNNY. an all around character. A great student and loves to bake goodies. She loves her dog. She likes her rabbits but doesn't like taking care of them. She is fussy and ridiculous sometimes but she is a good girl. She cracks me up DAILY. every single day. She loves movies. She loves SHOPPING! She loves eating. Unless its spaghetti or beans and rice. She hates working but tolerates it because we pay her well for helping out around the farm. Diana is going to grow up and do something awesome. Something funny and awesome. I dont know what it will be but she will do something without a doubt.
Andre is 12 and oh boy has puberty done a number on him. He is ornery sassy and knows it all. NO ONE can tell him anything. he already knows it all. except he doesnt REALLY know anything. He makes me crazy most days. He loves basketball and working. but of course you cant tell him HOW to do anything. He is in grade five where he is doing ok. he has fas also. He shares a room with jack and ben and they often giggle into the night. He doesnt sleep much.
Ben is going to be 12 on the 24th!!! My Ben will be 12!! I cant believe it. He was five when he came home. He is still so tiny! he has fas also. He wears a size 5. He may be 12 but he is very much still a little boy. He loves cars more than anything. and his stuffed pug. He is pokey and slow at anything. but he is sweet as pie and everyone who ever meets him adores him right off. He is very slow academically as well. but he is making progress. He seems to know right from wrong unlike the other two guys with fas. I rarely have issue with behaviors from Ben. He is sweet and cute, and very young.
Juno, aka Junie is my sweet girl. I love her so much. She really is blossoming. School has been a battle because they just want to throw her and jack into fifth grade and expect them to do fifth grade work. uhhh hello that isnt going to work! Last years teacher was really great about finding work at their level. She took second grade twice in Ukraine. And I know school was NOT something she cared about there. She is trying hard here but they have to give her appropriate work! I am trying to get her an iep based on her physical disability. We recently did some serial casting on her feet. We didnt make progress. Just enough to mess up her ability to walk on her own. We dont know what else to do until we have a definitive diagnosis which may still take months. She submitted a dna test for a certain form of MD. We just ordered her a new wheel chair of her own. a BLUE one. she loves blue. Right now she is using a loaner chair. She shares her room with Sophie but Maia seems to enjoy sleeping in there too. She started out sleeping in there with Juno but never stopped. She loves to snuggle up with someone. She always has. Junie loves it too. Its a win win.
Maia is 11. She wants to be 11 forever. She wanted to be 10 forever. she is in no hurry to grow up.She is my love. She is my birth kid so sometimes gets the brunt of some of the other kids anger. She doesnt like to work. She does however do well at school. She loves the animals. She loves her mama and papa. She loves even five minutes of alone attention. She is silly and loud. She tries to get along with most everyone although she does not tolerate Andre well. She is smart and loving. She is a neat kid that sometimes gets left behind and gets her feelings hurt. she is a lot like i was that way.
Jack is 10. We always say Jack is like a puppy. he loves everything and everyone. He loves every new experience. he loves to help. he loves his mama. He and Ben are best buddies. He loves to put the dogs out. and let them in. and let them out. and let them in. His best friend is Brayden and he went to his house this week and LOVED it and cant wait to go again.
Sophie is still my sweet adorable baby. We were just talking about it today that she is the baby of the family and thats a special spot in the family. She is sweet and tries hard to get on juno's good side but it most times doesnt pay off. She is a little spoiled I admit it but SHES THE BABY! Even if she is almost 10. AHHHH!! double digits! She has come so far. she is amazing.
Chrysta is almost 19. She is at school at Normandale, paying her own way, living at her dads. She was home for a visit this weekend. It was so great to hug her and have her here. She was only here a short time but spent most of it with her sisters and a little with me. There wasn't much fighting. That's always good. She is finally growing up a little. Although when it comes to Cody she still argues like crazy.
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| maia diana natasha juno sophie on a girls day out |
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| ben and andre. birthday twins. exactly one month apart. |
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| chrysta |
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| cody |
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| Jaeger maia juno diana natasha |
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| Diana and Natasha |
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| Ethan |
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| all together |
 | |
| jack and mama |
 | |||
| jaeger andre ethan and diana. maia mama and natasha in background |
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| Junoe and mama |
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| sophie first day of fourth grade |
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| chrysta and ben. sweet love |
Jaeger is 13, 14 in December! Yikes! He has been a roller coaster. He spent some time in a group over the summer to learn to handle his anger and deal with situations that are frustrating. He seemed to do really well when he first finished the program but that has worn off and its been a difficult couple of months. The last several days he seems to be calm rational and even caring(although getting up for school is difficult. but most teens are that way) His bestest friend moved nearby and he can ride his bike over there and often does. He and Ethan have the most animosity. its a constant battle between the two. Jaeger has a way of only doing things out of sight so he can deny it and Ethan has a bit of paranoia and claims everything Jaeger does is against him. Mostly I try to keep them apart to avoid a fist fight. Lately I have started talking to Jaeger about how HE has to walk away because Ethan cant. Sometimes Jaeg walks away now. progress!! He is learning to play the sax at school where he is in sixth grade. He has had a few run ins with disciplinarian there but after I assured Mr. S. I wanted to hear EVERYTHING he did I havent heard too much. Hoping that means he is behaving and not that he just isnt getting caught.
Natasha is 13. She is beautiful and smart and usually kind. She is in sixth grade also. She is playing flute. She also plays a bit of piano. She has her moments as all kids do but she is really a sweet girl and I love her to death. She helps me a lot. This year Natasha was chosen to run cross country with the varsity and junior varsity cross country team. She started out coming in at 18th place and ended the year coming in 3rd! And she shaved 2 minutes off her time running the mile. She is very much a dream child, as well as a straight A student. She has big dreams and she isnt afraid to go get them.
Ethan is also 13. He too is in sixth grade. He struggles a bit more academically due to his fasd. He also went to the program Jaeger went to and it didnt help him one bit. not even a little. I wont lie he is a difficult kid to live with. He has many behaviors that are difficult to deal with. His very much lives in his primal brain. Life is fight or flight and it is NEVER EVER flight. A mere suggestion can set him off. He can be very mean to his brothers. As much as he feels Jaeger is out to get him he is mean to Ben without a second thought. Most interactions with Ethan are negative. There is not a single day without yelling. He is never responsible for anything that happens. its always my fault, or our fault, or someone elses fault. If he can't find his shoes, its because someone took them, not because he left them out by the trampoline. He is improving at math and can read a real chapter book now, although he still prefers garfield or calvin and hobbes. I dont know what his future will hold. I hope I live to see it.
Diana is 12. She is giggly and silly and FUNNY. an all around character. A great student and loves to bake goodies. She loves her dog. She likes her rabbits but doesn't like taking care of them. She is fussy and ridiculous sometimes but she is a good girl. She cracks me up DAILY. every single day. She loves movies. She loves SHOPPING! She loves eating. Unless its spaghetti or beans and rice. She hates working but tolerates it because we pay her well for helping out around the farm. Diana is going to grow up and do something awesome. Something funny and awesome. I dont know what it will be but she will do something without a doubt.
Andre is 12 and oh boy has puberty done a number on him. He is ornery sassy and knows it all. NO ONE can tell him anything. he already knows it all. except he doesnt REALLY know anything. He makes me crazy most days. He loves basketball and working. but of course you cant tell him HOW to do anything. He is in grade five where he is doing ok. he has fas also. He shares a room with jack and ben and they often giggle into the night. He doesnt sleep much.
Ben is going to be 12 on the 24th!!! My Ben will be 12!! I cant believe it. He was five when he came home. He is still so tiny! he has fas also. He wears a size 5. He may be 12 but he is very much still a little boy. He loves cars more than anything. and his stuffed pug. He is pokey and slow at anything. but he is sweet as pie and everyone who ever meets him adores him right off. He is very slow academically as well. but he is making progress. He seems to know right from wrong unlike the other two guys with fas. I rarely have issue with behaviors from Ben. He is sweet and cute, and very young.
Juno, aka Junie is my sweet girl. I love her so much. She really is blossoming. School has been a battle because they just want to throw her and jack into fifth grade and expect them to do fifth grade work. uhhh hello that isnt going to work! Last years teacher was really great about finding work at their level. She took second grade twice in Ukraine. And I know school was NOT something she cared about there. She is trying hard here but they have to give her appropriate work! I am trying to get her an iep based on her physical disability. We recently did some serial casting on her feet. We didnt make progress. Just enough to mess up her ability to walk on her own. We dont know what else to do until we have a definitive diagnosis which may still take months. She submitted a dna test for a certain form of MD. We just ordered her a new wheel chair of her own. a BLUE one. she loves blue. Right now she is using a loaner chair. She shares her room with Sophie but Maia seems to enjoy sleeping in there too. She started out sleeping in there with Juno but never stopped. She loves to snuggle up with someone. She always has. Junie loves it too. Its a win win.
Maia is 11. She wants to be 11 forever. She wanted to be 10 forever. she is in no hurry to grow up.She is my love. She is my birth kid so sometimes gets the brunt of some of the other kids anger. She doesnt like to work. She does however do well at school. She loves the animals. She loves her mama and papa. She loves even five minutes of alone attention. She is silly and loud. She tries to get along with most everyone although she does not tolerate Andre well. She is smart and loving. She is a neat kid that sometimes gets left behind and gets her feelings hurt. she is a lot like i was that way.
Jack is 10. We always say Jack is like a puppy. he loves everything and everyone. He loves every new experience. he loves to help. he loves his mama. He and Ben are best buddies. He loves to put the dogs out. and let them in. and let them out. and let them in. His best friend is Brayden and he went to his house this week and LOVED it and cant wait to go again.
Sophie is still my sweet adorable baby. We were just talking about it today that she is the baby of the family and thats a special spot in the family. She is sweet and tries hard to get on juno's good side but it most times doesnt pay off. She is a little spoiled I admit it but SHES THE BABY! Even if she is almost 10. AHHHH!! double digits! She has come so far. she is amazing.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
I have backed off Facebook. I am tired of mean snarky comments. especially from those i thought were trustworthy. Since its been nearly a week and noone has contacted me outside of Facebook its probably safe to say I am not missed. I always mistakenly think people are my friends. I guess I don't have much in the way of friends. probably common with eleven kids at home. I find myself thinking about sharing things that happen throughout the day and then remember there is no one to share it with. If I can remember all my random thoughts throughout the day Maybe I will post them here. update on the kids, in case anyone still reads this. aj is ornery. jack is starting to.act like jaeger and not in a good way. girls are fine. natasha did great in cc this year. maia and diana played volleyball. both ended this week. Ethan is difficult and getting more difficult by the day. sophie is as always a sweetheart. juno is changing a lot. starting to open up. ben is still ben. cute as a button and everyone's love. I started painting furniture with chalk paint. just finishing a dresser for juno.
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