going public

I usually only post certain things here. but its time to get real. contrary to popular belief, life at our house is not perfect. it is not dreamy. some days it is barely tolerable. We have several special needs kids. and we have some kids who developed other special needs as a surprise. we have specialists. we have surgeries. we have therapists. we have fun and we have tantrums. Thus far the most difficult to deal with is mental illness. not mine. theirs. second to that is developmental delay. Physical/medical disabilities are SO much easier to deal with. I find the mental illness really wears me down. wears on my patience. the screaming irrational behavior is so hard to live with. the constant nastiness is difficult for me because most of the time its directed at me. either by default because I am here the most, or because thats just the way that child always interacts with me. the simplest request, the kindest rebuke leads to snarky comments and hurt feelings. the other kids dont understand the behaviors. heck I dont unerstand it. the blow ups get worse as the day goes on. as the week goes on. I do not feel that asking children to help take care of their own needs is asking too much. Things like putting their clothes away, putting their dishes in the sink, putting their lunch in their backpack(I dont ask them to make it, only put it in their bags), using their time wisely to be ready in time for the bus. given over an hour to get dressed, serve and eat their OWN breakfast, pack lunch, and brush teeth is not unreasonable. Certain children can get up, shower, get dressed, unload the dishwasher because they felt like being helpful, eat, take meds, brush teeth and still have enough time leftover to play with the dog. One child particularly likes to make the lunches in the morning. all of them. SOmetimes she makes them sometimes I make them. but it is never her JOB. if she wants to do it she does, if she doesnt want to I do it. but lunch is always made. and yet some other children can not get their act together and be ready on time. and all hell breaks loose and the brunt falls on me. I am tired of being abused by my children. I am tired overall. I am looking forward to going to philly and just dealing with one kids issues. so I am having a down day. and I'm letting my humanness show. I have a lot on my plate. most days I dont mind it. but multiple meltdowns before breakfast make for a hard day.