why

i ask myself WHY my kid cant be like other kids. why does she have to have contractures? why does she have arthrogryposis? why does she have to have surgeries and hurt? why cant she just run and play and not have to deal with all of this? and then I wouldnt have to deal with it either. but then I remember that if she was a perfect normal child she wouldnt be MY child. she would still be in Ukraine with her birth parents. but still its hard to be thankful that I have to put her through all of this. that I have to put all of us through all of this. it just stinks all around! I am tired of being away. tired of being nurse as well as mom. and its only just begun! I miss my family. I miss my animals. Miss my house and woods. my TREES! and I dont have any idea how I am going to get home. I mean I know HOW but the logistics of it baffle me, as I know how helpful airline attendants are(at least in my experience) I have a letter from hospital to hopefully get some help but I am NOT holding my breath. I just want to be at home, enjoying fall in my new house. and instead I am in Philly running back and forth from hospital to ronald mcdonald house and feeling guilty because I have to do some laundry and will be late to the hospital.