to build or not to build

Eric wants to build a house. I want to buy. at any rate we are not finding either a house OR a property. Tomorrow we go back to look some more. some land and one house. we have pretty much seen everything that suits us in the way of houses. Until the market opens up with spring we dont have much we havent already seen, either on paper or in person. building a house makes me terrified. Years ago we talked about it. before we had a dozen kids. for some reason it wasnt scary then. I dont like the styles he likes and vice verse. I am NOT spatially oriented and it is hard for me to visualise a concept. which is why I like seeing houses in person not on paper. I need to see it feel it smell it hear it be surrounded by it before I can fully grasp the shape the space the square footage. I am afraid that we will end up in a house that I hate for the rest of our lives. and based on my inability to put a blue print into a picture that is entirely possible. He always asks me what I need so it isnt that I wouldnt have any input. I know that pretty much anything I asked for in a house would be fine(and really I dont demand much, a dishwasher...or two, and a nice bathtub. I currently have neither)I am not interested in granite everything highest end everything. but I do want to love my house. I want to love living there. I want it to work for me as much as I work for it. THIS house that we live in now, does not work for me. it wasnt too bad when there were only a couple kids but now with more kids it just doesnt work. there is no entry way. no place for coats and boots. no storage for backpacks. the kitchen is small and cluttered because things that have no home(because there isnt enough room for them to HAVE a home) are on the counters thus making cooking dinner a nightly battle. and I always have at least 2-3 kids who want to help and there really just is no space for that! the living room is too small but the family room is too far away. On so many levels it just doesnt work for me. keeping it clean is difficult at best. so I need a house that has enough bedrooms, has a space for MY stuff so I can sew and scrap and do whatever without having to worry that my stuff will walk away with a child OR have to put it all away after an hour or two. I need storage and lots of it. I need ADA bathroom and mainfloor bedroom for my girl friday. I need a kitchen that makes me long to cook(I used to hate cooking. I dont mind it anymore but I might be tempted to try something new if I had some space to do it in)and that elusive bathtub. all of that needs to fit in a house that isnt too big or too small. that has good resale value. that isnt too expensive. that is designed to be solar/self efficient. That is surrounded by trees and land for the running of children and pets. room for chickens. room for greenhouses and gardening. Room for a covered porch. all of this in one house. so far we have come up with nothing and may well be still living in THIS house next year while Eric goes off to his new job in our new city.