It is 1:30pm

and all is quiet. the kids are all at school. I could be napping. or watching tv. or something. but what am I doing? sitting her blogging. Sophie and Ben were happy to go to school and play. and Maia was thrilled to have them there and was very worried about Sophie being stepped on. I only told the teachers the words for potty and the word for return as in Mama will come back. Otherwise they are going to have to learn some English if they want to get their message across!

silence is what I hear right now. so quiet I can hear the leaky sink draining. I cant remember the last time I heard that much quiet. wow its nice. I could so get used to this! ok not forever but for a little while now and again its nice.

Piano lessons tonight for Ethan and Chrysta. Soup in the crock pot for dinner(which Ethan will complain loudly about) Dishes are mostly done. there is always laundry to do but I am choosing not to do it right now. I should be printing out my christmas letter and some other things I need to print/fill in. but I cant bring myself to do any of it. its just so nice to sit here with no one demanding anything of me.

I wonder how cody and chrysta are doing at their first day of school. They both have at least one friend in all their classes and its small town so they already know a lot of the kids. hopefully it goes ok. then when they get home the homework battle starts!

kids

how cruel

to take the joy from a disabled child. Someone stole the toy car from our yard last night. Ben plays in that car every single day. he wont slide or jump or do anything else, he just wants to drive his car. I found it in another neighborhood. I knew it was our car because it was covered in blue chalk, my boys did that yesterday. I popped it into the back of my van. I tried calling the police to report it, but they didnt return my call. Yknow, Isle police are so attentive. I dont know if they even HAVE police coverage on saturday.

We put the tree up today. my new tree. I LOVE my new tree. it is 7.5 feet tall. There was room for most of my ornaments. Our old tree was so small. But I know there are things missing. Where could they have gotten to? Myabe there is a bucket we missed in the basement. Ben and Sophie were very excited about the tree. Ben came in from outside and it was lit up and he jumped and squealed. His face lit up. He keeps looking at the tree. Sophie had fun putting up ornaments but lost interest quickly, like the three year old she is. She hasnt really had much to say about the tree. Ethan and Maia had fun putting up ornaments. Maia wants to lie under the tree. I remember doing that as a kid. I would get up in the night and lie in front of the tree looking at the lights.

Eric is actually off this weekend so he took the kids out to shoot arrows this afternoon and then took Ethan hunting. Maia has some sort of ear infection and has a very sore ear. I will post a picture of the tree as soon as I can. I will also try to get and post a video of Sophie dancing. she is so funny and a great dancer!

MOONDOG tonight!!!!

ben trying to do what Maia does

amazing Maia

yes that is her own leg coming over her shoulder. this girl is so limber!

sophie raises her arms.

she has been doing this laying down but not sitting up. today she did. again and again. she is truly amazing. she keeps saying amazing sophie.

will show you all "amazing sopha" later, she is lifting her arms up in front of her. this takes a lot of work for her and she suddenly today is doing it. She has been doing it on her back for awhile now but this is the first she has lifted them straight up in front of her. She keeps saying amazing sopha. and she reached UP into the shoe cabinet and got her shoes out because she wanted to wear them. She got one on and the other she tried but coudlnt get it right so I helped with that.

I tried to post a video the other night of AMAZING BEN! but i got distracted before it fully uploaded. He was doing somersaults in the living room. I dont know where he got that idea but he was bending over (in a pike position) and then just tucked his head and rolled. it was so much fun he did it again and again. Sophie tried her best to do it too but she wasnt quite able to by herself.

We had thanksgiving dinner yesterday as Eric is on call today. and he has to work tomorrow. I swear this is the only place that has clinic on Friday after thanksgiving. so there will be no black friday shopping for me this year. Mom has to work too on that day. I usually find the best stuff at menards(go figure) but even their ad wasnt all that awe inspiring so I am not at all put out to stay home. besides its COLD out there at 4am! I will just stay home. maybe I caan find a few deals online.

Maia is wanting to learn. she absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVES workbooks.
Ethan is enjoying having a day off from school. he played sorry with maia and has been running around. I wish he would go outside for awhile(all of them) but he absolutely doesnt want to. i thought he might sleep this morning but he slept till a whopping 645am. not much for sleeping in.

C and C are going with their dad to thanksgiving with his family. His mom is putting on a big spread because she doesnt know how many years she will have left and wants one last chance to get together. their dad didnt bother to invite C and C so they called and invited themselves. but "he has plans" this weekend so he will bring them home tomorrow.

ballerinas, kids with dad, first day of school for Ethan

blood

Last week we took the kids to the doctor for the first time they wanted blood for some necessary tests. After numerous pokes and no blood they sent us to the hospital. So yesterday I took Sophie. She screamed in my ear the entire time. and not a wail either, a high pitched shriek. She was absolutely panicked. she looked in my eyes one time and it was this wild pissed off terrified I hate you for doing this to me look. Thankfully they were able to poke around with their FINGER a lot before poking with the needle. They only stuck her once. but she wanted nothing to do with any of it. and there was no reasoning with her. she cried the entire time they were touching her. She was fine when it was done. stopped crying. went home and carried on with her day with little fanfare. but boy was I glad THAT was over.

Ben was today. not so much shrieking but lots of tears and crying. AND they just couldnt seem to get it right and poked him multiple times before taking him to a room and laying him down and getting someone else to do it. THEN they got it and plenty of it. he got a sucker from them and I promised him a cookie when we got home for being such a good boy. He didnt kick anyone with his clunkers lol and boy did he want to. so when we got home he was sucking on his sucker and then wanted cookie too. so he had cookie in one hand sucker in the other and was perfectly happy.

Now that the vampires have their blood I hope that they find nothing of significance in any of it. and I hope we wont have to do it again any time soon!

Tomorrow we are having our own thanksgiving dinner here at home just the 8 of us. I have pies in the oven right now. Eric has to be on call thursday so we will have dinner Weds and just a regular day on Thurs, except Ethan will be here so that will be a little out of the ordinary for a thursday.

Monday EVERYONE goes to school. Cody and Chrysta will go, Ethan will go, Ben and Sophie and Maia will go. what will I do with myself??? I am hoping to get some oomf and sew a big bag for Maia for her American Doll and all her accessories.

Out to Play or out to lunch

Ben and Ethan got to play out for a while today it was so nice. I took Sophie out after her nap and she played in the car and on the trampoline and absolutely LOVED the slide. She couldnt get enough sliding. but she came in willingly when it was time.

Eric is on call tomorrow and had clinic until noon this morning. After clinic he went off to visit Joshua who is in the hospital. Havent seen him since. Wonder if he is ever coming home. I adore the kids, I really do, but gees would it be too much to have another adult around now and then to talk to?

Chrysta has a friend over so she thinks all the rules are bent for her. I took away her laptop(old one, no net) because of her attitude the other night and she thinks I am going to hand it over because her friend is here. UMMM NO! she was supposed to bake pumpkin bars today and promised she would but when she FINALLY got around to it there wasnt enough eggs. and gasp! walk to the store and get some? are you NUTS???? so no pumpkin bars.

Ethan is really draining. and he is medicated. I wish it was monday so he could go to school. he had a few shining moments today but mostly he is surly and grouchy and bossy and completely incapable of having a decent conversation without blowing up. and its all on me. Eric will get home in time to eat maybe, in time to put them to bed maybe. or maybe not. I am glad he got to visit with Joshua but I am tired. I need time out too. gasp a DATE!unheard of. Ethan keeps blowing up at everything and everyone. Eric just never sees it. and Poor Ben seems to get the brunt of it. he (Ben)keeps coming to me and saying i love you mama while Ethan is blowing up. or if I talk sternly to Ethan he is there saying looblu mama. looblu! he does fine at school. no notes home. no problems that I have heard about. no teacher contacts. and yet at home he is the biggest brat. I think he has attachment disorder or something but no one else ever seems to think so. I dont know what else to think since its always on me. ONLY on me. he doesnt act this way at grandmas. or school. or with his dad. or church. only me. I go to bed every night sure that he hates me. he is only 7. How am I going to live until he is 18? he is currently in his room. again.

busy day

shots today. and all sorts of scary stuff. they did pretty well considering what they have been through. they also had blood draws that didnt work out. so after all that fuss we have to go back another day and try again. Poor babies. Sophie keeps saying wa wa. I dont know what that means but she shows me her arm where she got poked and saying wa wa. I missed lunch and snack time, but they had lunch before we left and snack along the way. so I am starving! they are just tired because they missed nap time and now tonight is Chrysta's band concert. Not sure I want to even take them. they will be tired and cranky and expected to sit and be somewhat quiet....may not be a good combo....

Eric is sleeping. he was on call last night and I guess a walk to town and the doctor visits for the kids wore him out. Good thing dinner is in the crock pot. soup today.

Chrysta is not supposed to wear jeans for this concert and is just now informing me that she has nothing to wear. she might be wearing jeans after all. she cant wear my clothes yet, she is too skinny. and there is nowhere to get anything on such short notice. I dont encourage her to borrow from friends in the clothes department but I guess I have no choice this time. hopefully big H has something she can wear.

back to the park

It was a decent enough day and I took the kids to the park for a walk in the woods. They love that and get so excited. This time I took Sophie in the ring sling. I would never do that again. ugh my shoulder still hurts! I love my mei tai sling. she does too. she wasnt real thrilled with this one. We saw TWO albino deer and about 30(altogether) brown deer. The campgrounds are closed to campers but the trails still go through them. We took some random trail and ended up in one of the campgrounds. there were deer there. we also saw 5 just driving into the park. Then we took another trail that led to anotehr campground and thats where we saw the two albinos. They love to get outside and get a little fresh air. Too bad I forgot my camera.

Maia's visit to the doctor went well. Her foot is improving. thats a good thing. No cast. but another appointment in 6 weeks just to make sure we are still moving forward.

Ben and Sophie will begin school on Nov 30 with the other kids. So that day 3 will go off on the bus and three will stay home with me until lunch. After lunch those 3 will go off to school and I will be FREEEEEE for a couple hours before I have to go back and get them. At this point I will have to pick up Sophie and Ben because they arent stable enough for the bus. Since they do not yet have an IEP or special ed qualification they can not get special transport. but thats coming in the future. Ben is very excited about going to school. He sees Maia and Ethan going off to school and gets bored without them. He wants to be a big boy and go to school too. Sophie isnt so sure. I will probably hang around awhile at school at first and see how things go.

Sophie and Ben and I were waiting for Ethan and Maia to return from school on the school bus. Sophie was adament that she would not be going on the bus. she was not going to be a big girl and not going to go on the bus. A fellow adoptive mom reminded me that "the bus" where she is from is your ticket to the institution. I bet she saw some of her friends leave on the bus and never come back! Also She spent a lot of her time with the adults, rather than with the kids playing so I can only imagine the things she overheard. She has had an education far exceeding what any 3 year old NEEDS to know! So for now Mama will drive the bus haha.

and another day is done and everyone is off to bed.

kohlers and thanksgiving

maia has an appt with the Orthopod for her Kohlers today. if the laying low didnt work then I guess she will have to cast it. so I am hoping we dont come home in a cast. I dont think Maia will be a very good "slowed down" patient. This will also likely be the last time I take ONE child to a doctor appointment while leaving all the OTHER children at home. it is less than two weeks until Cody and Chrysta go to school. after that it will be 3 with me everywhere I go. But hey thats less than it used to be right? and Sophie and Ben should start school in December with Maia so I will have two blessed afternoons a week to myself! and THAT will be a good thing. I can do anything and everything or NOTHING at all!

Not sure what to do for thanksgiving. Eric is on call. and has to work on Friday. My mom also has to work on friday. so do I go up there and have dinner with them? or just stay home? at least at home everyone is almost sleeping through the night. I wonder if I trip to grandmas for the night might set us back in that department. I could go up for the day and come home thanksgiving night but I really hate traveling on the holiday. maybe I will just stay home and cook a chicken from the freezer and make our own little dinner. I could put the bird in one crock pot and carrots and potatoes in the other, or corn pudding my favorite. but it would be fun to see my family. I only see my brother and uncle on holidays. from a sleep standpoint any option that ends with us home in our own beds is the best one. ahh wel I have a week to think about it. as dad always says, a lot could happen between now and then!

Ethan is thriving in school. but his attitude when he gets home is AWFUL! his dad gave him a stern talking to. I dont have high hopes it will be helpful but maybe. he was very sweet this morning heading to the bus. I didnt want to embarass him so I said have a good day but he came running back for a kiss and hug. he couldnt go off to school without it. and then he waved to me out the window. It is MUCH quieter during the day with him at school.

stinky Ben

Ben is learning language so quickly. he says come here! he always tells the dog he is stinky by saying stinky puppy! and when you call his name he says what? so he was just sitting here eating pomcone(popcorn) and passed gas. He laughed, as little boys do, and I told him to say excuse me. he did. and then he started giggling and said STINKY BEN! lol yes, my son, stinky ben!

FAPE

free appropriate public education. My husband doesnt seem to grasp what this means. He is ever concerned that I am taking money from someone who needs it. OUR KIDS NEED IT!! They could go to preschool/headstart where Maia goes to school and also possibly get some OT and PT. It isnt like they are going to fix Sophie's legs but it would be helpful for them academically to be able to use scissors and hold a pencil etc. I cant teach them that. not to mention the fact that neither of them has any of the skills needed for school. Draw a person with 6 parts. ben MIGHT be able to, sophie wouldnt. hop on one foot, neither. write your name, nada. tell me what color these are, nope.walk, one no and one barely. what letter is this? uh uh. how many of these are there? not a chance. they have spent years in an institution. you do not come out acting your age. you do not come out with all the knowledge you would have if you had grown in a family instead of an institution. we need to advocate for them and get them every help they can get. if its from PS then so be it. Keeping them from services they qualify for would do them an injustice. why is it wrong to send them to school for free when they need services and qualify for services? they are ENTITLED to FAPE. its the law.

ethan is off to school

his first day! he missed the FIRST first day because he was sick last monday. and all week long. but today he went and all the little kids came out to meet him as he hung up his jacket. very cute. they didnt need a notebook which I found odd. and I am worried he will be bored because of how smart he is. Ben is lookin forward to going to school. I hope they can figure out whats needed so he can go too. and Sophie. Sophie should automatically qualify as she doesnt walk. Ben is another story, he may be JUST able enough to not get services. I just dont know. Will ask today when I take Maia to school. which is shortly and she is getting antsy.

BIG NEWS!!!

true to form, I said one of the kids wouldnt or couldnt do something and they then did that very thing. I swear they do that just to prove me wrong. even if they dont hear me say it, they always seem to know I said it. and that is their cue to DO IT!

tonight Sophie was lying on the bed and the comforter was bunched beneath her a little bit. and she leaned and turned and SAT UP!!! I screamed and said DO IT AGAIN! she smiled like what mom? whats the big deal? you are SO silly. but she laid down and did it again. and I clapped and yelled YAAAYY! and whispered do it again!!! and she did and I grabbed her up and hugged her and kissed her and nearly cried. she loved the attention but probably still wonders what she did that was so exciting to me. she tried while on the floor with nothing beneath her back to give that initial start and couldnt do it, but SHE TRIED and SHE TRIED! and I helped her and then praised her for doing it.

Tonight at dinner she fed herself the entire meal. with a fork. and with minimal mess!

She has also been working hard at learning to thread and buckle her AFOs. tonight she just zipped it right in there. and I gave her a high five. Then she did the other one. another high five! and then I read her favorite llama story before bed. and she happily went to bed without complaint.

SOPHIE SAT UP!!! still incredibly shocked and thrilled and happy.

STAY!

a funny. In trying to teach the kids to let go of a toy long enough to take care of business(ie: eat or use the toilet) and that the toy would be returned to them and was out of commission to the other kids while they did their business I would put the toy aside and put my hand up and say STAY! as if commanding a dog. They seemed to get it. just now I stood up to run down to the basement and Sophie said "STAAAAY!" guess she forgives me for making her work on sitting.

SOMEONE

has a very bad case of learned helplessness. she will not even TRY, with help, to do anything she deems unnecessary. this includes sitting herself upright from her back. rolling over. getting from point a to point b if she doesnt feel like it. so right now she is screaming at me as her crackers wait for her at the table. I wont go get her to carry her. she is ticked off. kicking things and screaming. She is much more content to sit and scream than to TRY to do anything. I know that rome wasnt built in a day and she isnt going to go from lying to sitting or dressed to naked, or even naked to dressed in a day. I am more than willing to standby assist but she wont even TRY! not even to lift her head from the floor or pull herself up using something stable. this is going to be a long long battle.

I just went over and offered again to help and forced her to do it(with my help) and then rewarded her with her cookies(crackers) and YAAAAYY! then I gave her the cup and she wouldnt even reach for it, wants me to put it in her mouth. umm no. you are fully capable and I have seen it a hundred thousand times. so I helped her use her arms to do it herself. and she wont let just anyone give her the cup. only me. if maia or someone else offers it she screams. but she CAN do it herself. this is not something she needs to learn she already KNOWS how. We use a cup that is appropriate for her ability and she has been doing it herself since shortly after getting her home.

She is a tough nut to crack. a spoiled nut at that. she is awful cute its hard not to spoil her but she IS nearly 4 and needs to start TRYING to be capable for some of the things she needs to do in life.

sick sick sickk

wonder boys are still sick. wonder baby is better. big wonder brother and sis have it now. The wonder boys are the worst. whining and crying and NOTHING is right. cant go to the bathroom alone, cant open the door alone, cant drink the water alone, cant eat without help. just whine whine whine. I can see its going to take awhile AFTER the flu to get out of THAT habit. Ben just cries all day Ethan complains all day and asks me for every thing he sees a commercial for. Sophie is just crabbier than normal. she is crabby and bossy to begin with. its her general personality. Cody is just sleeping sleeping. Chrysta seems to be making a miraculous recovery. guess she just didnt want to do dishes!

I wish I had something to say besides sick kids. but my life is pretty consumed right now with sick kids! I would like to run away from home and not hold anyone! I would like my arms back thank you! I am feeling better but still get hot and cold and exhausted and then I have to take care of everyone else. ahhh a mothers job is never done.

the whole house is sick

well several of us anyways. The wonder boys are both sick. Wonder baby is sick too. Mama is sick. Maia is better but was sick. Eric had flumist and hasnt gotten sick. for whatever reason Cody and Chrysta havent gotten sick either. Poor Ben is mierable and just cries and lays around. Ethan is perking up but still pale and feverish. but well enough to be annoying and bossy to his sibs. Sophie teeters between feeling better and not feeling good. She stayed up with eric last night when I went to bed because she just wanted to be held and rocked. she woke up screaming histerical in the night twice and wouldnt be soothed by my voice. but when Eric spoke to her she settled. Not sure what that was all about.

Shriners wants medical records in order to treat the kids. except I dont HAVE medical records. they didnt seem to understand that in international adoption you get nothing. NOTHING. so they wont treat them without records and I dont have records to give. so they have to go to the doctor just to have a record I can send. seems kind of stupid to me. redundant. they kept asking why they dont have any records. HELLOO! they are ADOPTED! from UKRAINE! you just dont GET medical records! we dont even know what they have had done. husband says oh they have only been home a short time its no big deal. but it is a big deal. Poor Ben Ben's feet are so mangled. I have to give him motrin to get him to sleep through the night because he wakes hurting so bad. also I dont think his AFOs fit correctly, there is big space behind his leg. and I am tired of taking Sophie to the bathroom every hour because she cant do it herself. she is almost 4 she NEEDS to get help so she can start doing some things herself! oddly enough I havent heard from school either about finding a translator for a preschool screening.

isnt it funny

that the word for airplane and family are so similar.

kids. wish I had a dozen of them. (thats what my dad used to say)

the kids are going down the hill in the bike trailer stroller. and laughing all the way. how can I tell them not to when they are having so much fun? It isnt their safety I am so much worried about rather the safety of the stroller to handle it. but I imagine they will tire of it soon enough and move on to more exciting adventures. I always wanted to build a roller coaster of my own after reading about a boy in a book who did that. So here they are essentially making a roller coaster and lovin it. good for them. soon enough there will be snow and they can sled down the same hill. Ben was not so sure at first but he is doing it with them now.

Ben asked me yesterday when we were getting ready to leave if we were going to groupa. I said no groupa. groupa all done. he jumped off the toilet to hug me round the neck with the biggest smile. today again he was asking groupa? I said no groupa all done. and said family. (thanks christine for the word) and he smiled. It has been about a month now they have been home and they never mentioned groupa before recently. hopefully they will get the message that they are not ever going back there. that groupa is over for them.

how many days till school starts??? I dont know what is up with Ethan. I am having a hard time dealing with his anger and outbursts and his screaming! and freaking out over everything the little kids do. if they get hurt he gets angry. if the get mad and cry he gets angry. if they get tired and cry he gets angry. if they squabble over a toy he gets angry. every time he gets angry he starts stomping his feed and screaming. Why am I so lucky? No one, NO ONE ever sees this stuff but me. he never pulls this stuff with grandma. yesterday he was out with daddy all day and nary a problem. but he has always been this way with me, it's just worse now. and piano practice! ugh! forget it! anything I say to him about how or what to do he goes ballistic. why are we paying for piano lessons when he wont practice what he needs to and screams at me when I try to help him. I am really getting tired. tired in so many ways. emotionally tired from being screamed at all day and having every negativity in the house aimed at ME. physically tired because I have not slept solid through the night in a couple months. since before we came home from Ukraine the first trip. Sophie gets tangled in the blankets and cant move so she cries at night. Ben wakes crying every couple of nights. (I am banning scooby doo for awhile to see if he is having nightmares from scary scooby doo)

C and C are gone to the cities this weekend to go be with...uhh....whats the right word....the jerk? no. the idiot? no. oh father, yes they are with their father. and its deer hunting this weekend so my MIL and my own mother are coming to stay. hopefully it will be more fun than stressful to have them here. its only 930m and we have been up for HOURS, feels like naptime already. ugh.

Funny Ben and Sophie

The dog was barking abd Ben started counting him to time out. lol
Sophie was on the toilet and pretending to snore and had her eyes closed. She was telling me she understood it was time for bed. They can be such a riot! and Sophie is becoming generous and I am so proud of her for that. There is always a certain toy that everyone wants. I made Ben let her have a turn with it after he carried it around for HOURS. he wasnt happy. She was carrying it around and not really playing with it just hanging on to it for the sake of having it. After quite a while I asked if Ben could have a turn and she initially said NAY! but I asked her again gently and didnt move to take it from her. and she changed her mind and handed it over to ben saying NA! NA! When she does this I grab her and praise her up and down and smile and show her how proud I am of her. This is the little girl that would be ready to take off your arm if you got close enough to take a toy. what a long long way she has come. I can also see her smile is more genuine now. her expressions are more real. and when I come home from anywhere, even just the basement she comes to greet me with hugs and kisses and very happy faces.

Ben is very sweet always. he shows his appreciation for the things I do for him. He gives me kisses and tells me he loves me when I do things for him. Yesterday his pants were soaked, his socks were soaked, even his unders were soaked from playing outside. I took the wet stuff all off. he was crossing his legs and saying piska! I asked piska brrrrr? he laughed at that. then started telling me something about godzilla piska! that cracked me up. I got him all dressed in dry clothes and he hugged me and kissed me and told me he loved me. Very sweet boy. when someone else is yelling he blows me kisses or hugs my arm. I sure do love that boy.

Ethan is having a hard time still. We decided to send him to school. Tht will give him some time away from the new sibs and a chance to make some friends of his own. While he isnt happy about that decision I think after a day or two he is going to love it. We also decided to send the other kids to school as well. its just too hard to juggle it all. upcoming medical appointments will be many and I wont have the time to keep on them about school. Ethan will start Monday and the other two will start on Nov 30 as thats when the trimester changes. Not much sense in taking the last two weeks of a class you wont get credit for and you missed the first two and half months!

Maia likes preschool but is nervous already about going to K next year. Ben and Sophie will probably join her in preschool soon. and Ben can go to K next year too so she wont have to worry about being alone. She loves her new sibs but wants to help Ben more than he needs. And Sophie still doesnt quite know what to do with a sister. sloooooow progress. yesterday when Maia came home from school Sophie said HI MAIA!! MAIA!!